Reality star, TV presenter, and writer Amber Rose opens up about life as Love Island contestant and winner.
Amber shares the story of how she was cast on Love Island and how subsequent attention and criticism led to what she considers her lowest point.
Amber, always true to herself, shares her current career pursuits in entertainment, writing, and brand deals, the process of writing her first novel, and seeking opportunities that better align with her authentic self.
Enjoy!
In This Episode
[00:02:05] Backstory
[00:10:25] Love Island
[00:30:00] Highs and lows
[00:36:50] Friendship
[00:39:40] ADHD
[00:50:50] Social media, societal pressures and mental health
[00:57:05] Authenticity
[01:00:20] Career and plans
[01:05:35] Reality TV
[01:08:45] Longevity
About Amber Rose Gill
Amber Rose Gill is a TV personality and author famed for winning the fifth series of Love Island. In 2022, Amber released her debut romance novel, Until I Met You.
Rhona Eskander: And I think we have failed. And I think that we’re not getting any better. Like we’re not getting better as a society. [00:00:05] Like like we keep saying like, be kind when someone’s killed themselves. Caroline Flack, [00:00:10] you know, is like perfect example. And I just find that really heartbreaking. It’s always like in hindsight, oh, [00:00:15] be kind. I mean, in the Dental arena, like Dental trolls are the worst as it’s like forums of like dentists, like slating [00:00:20] other dentists and stuff. And I just find it so crazy. But like you said, people be like, well, you have followers, [00:00:25] you have this, you have that. There’s nothing to be upset about. And it’s like actually the pressure [00:00:30] becomes more, you know, and I think like, you know, we should definitely have more empathy for that.
[VOICE]: This [00:00:40] is mind movers. [00:00:45] Moving the conversation forward on mental health and optimisation [00:00:50] for dental professionals. Your hosts Rhona [00:00:55] Eskander and Payman Langroudi.
Rhona Eskander: Welcome [00:01:00] to another episode of Mind Movers. I’m looking at this absolute queen in front of me. [00:01:05] Amber is an amazing human being. Okay, so I want to talk about the fact [00:01:10] that I first met her through Doctor Esho. Actually, no, it wasn’t doctor, it was Lenny. But you had [00:01:15] been going to Doctor Esho anyways back in the day. Yeah, yeah, and I had met her because I was like, I’d [00:01:20] love to get my hands on her teeth. We did a smile makeover and look at her beaming. [00:01:25] And then we ended up becoming friends. And I’m just so honoured to have her in my life [00:01:30] because she is one of the most special human beings. That’s so nice. I know it’s it’s [00:01:35] true, it’s true. And I think one of the most real and authentic people that you’ll, you know, I’ve ever had [00:01:40] the pleasure of meeting. You often meet people, you know, they say like, never meet your hero because it’s such a disappointment. [00:01:45] But Amber is like, what you see is what you get. She’s real, she’s authentic. And it’s been [00:01:50] such a pleasure to get to know. You want to cry? Yeah. Sorry, sorry. This is making us want to cry. [00:01:55] You know, honestly, I mean it.
Rhona Eskander: And I think one of the most important things that happened in my [00:02:00] life for me was that she trusted me with her mum, actually. And for me, that’s such a privilege to, like, treat [00:02:05] someone’s family member. And her mum had been having Invisalign for like eight years. Can you like, deal like [00:02:10] like six years something crazy and still wasn’t happy. And obviously we ended up doing some treatments, so [00:02:15] that was really great. So that’s how I met Amber. So most of you will know Amber [00:02:20] from the TV programme Love Island, but she is so much more than that programme and I think that I’m really proud [00:02:25] to have been watching her journey, because Amber can correct me if I’m wrong, but I think one [00:02:30] of the most difficult things about coming out of a reality TV programme is to have a persona [00:02:35] and an identity outside of that programme, and that takes a lot of courage [00:02:40] and somewhat some kind of like reinvention in a way. And I feel like you’ve done a really good job because [00:02:45] people have bought into you as a human being, you know, not as somebody that was just like reality TV [00:02:50] show. So welcome, Amber. Thank you. That was the.
Amber Rose Gill: Best intro I’ve ever had. Really? Yeah, I [00:02:55] love it.
Rhona Eskander: I’m going to take note of that. Okay. So I want to start a little bit from the beginning because [00:03:00] I love to know the person that you were as a child, a teenager, etc.. So do you want to tell us a little bit about [00:03:05] your background where you grew up?
Amber Rose Gill: And so I [00:03:10] grew up in Newcastle. Have you ever been to Newcastle? Yeah, lots of times. Just a small city. Like, I [00:03:15] love.
Rhona Eskander: The way you single him out. Yeah.
Amber Rose Gill: No, no. I’m like, I just don’t know. Have you ever been into. Yeah. Lots of things. [00:03:20] Yeah. It’s nice. It’s all right. Yeah. But it’s a very like it’s a much smaller city than London. [00:03:25] Um, it’s a predominantly white area as well. And [00:03:30] yeah, I grew up with my mum and dad together, and my brother [00:03:35] lived with us for a period of time as well, and that was my life. And I was very I [00:03:40] was a very sure of myself, child, and especially in a teenage years, I had [00:03:45] strong opinions, I had a certain personality, and I was not changing for [00:03:50] anyone ever. Like I just was very and I don’t know where I come from because neither of my [00:03:55] parents are really like that, and I wasn’t really around anyone like that. So I don’t know where I adopted this mentality, [00:04:00] where I was very sure of myself. And I would say things that probably other people wouldn’t. [00:04:05] But yeah. So let me ask.
Rhona Eskander: You something as well. Like obviously Newcastle is very different to London. [00:04:10] Mhm. Um, certainly when I was growing up I know I’m older [00:04:15] than you, but when I was growing up it was difficult actually being from a middle eastern background at [00:04:20] school, for example, that was, you know, very white. Did you ever experience any [00:04:25] kind of race issues, you know, because, you know, your parents obviously come from mixed [00:04:30] race background.
Amber Rose Gill: Mhm. It’s easy to say looking back now, I did, but at the time I don’t [00:04:35] think I realised because you know, being mixed race and being of a lighter skin tone as well, [00:04:40] it makes me blend in a little bit easier. Like people would not look [00:04:45] at me as a massive target because, you know, I’ve just got a bit of a tan rather than being completely darker. So I do think [00:04:50] that I had a privilege in that sense, to sort of blend in. And with having one white [00:04:55] parent, I could kind of understand, you know, the way that would go on in [00:05:00] Newcastle, the way that things are meant to be. But upon reflection, [00:05:05] there was definitely microaggressions. I wouldn’t say full on, like bad things, [00:05:10] but just microaggressions, like getting the right results but still being put in a bottom set, [00:05:15] being looked at is naughty all the time, regardless sort of being singled [00:05:20] out in certain ways. That was all definitely happening, but I just, I think [00:05:25] because I had the personality that I had, I come to understand that that was just that. And I didn’t [00:05:30] really think of that. I didn’t really think it was, you know, to do with my background at all, [00:05:35] because I didn’t know anyone else, really. So, like, I didn’t it’s just my experience [00:05:40] on my own. What did you.
Rhona Eskander: Feel that like you identified with more as being? Because growing up I tried very hard [00:05:45] to be like white English, but then when I grew older, I was like, I’m very Middle Eastern and I identify with being [00:05:50] Lebanese and I identify with being Egyptian. Yeah. Whereas like when I was in my teens and 20s, I was like, I don’t [00:05:55] identify with being Middle Eastern. I identify as being as like an English person. And I never was. Do you see what I mean? So what [00:06:00] do you feel like coming from the background that you did that you identified more with?
Amber Rose Gill: Um, I think naturally [00:06:05] I identified more as white when I was younger, but definitely more in like teenage [00:06:10] years, I think, because Caribbean mentality is [00:06:15] very similar to my personality. So I kind of was like, okay, I understand I’m [00:06:20] like this because where I come from, people are exactly the same. You know, they’re very direct. They’re not bothered [00:06:25] if, you know they hurt your feelings, they’d rather tell you the truth and be honest. And that’s very Caribbean. [00:06:30] And so yeah, I felt really connected to that. But it’s funny, you know, [00:06:35] I got a comment on TikTok because I said something about being from Trinidad and Tobago because that’s part [00:06:40] of my heritage. And someone was like, what? You think that you’re not this way just because [00:06:45] your grandma was born there? So they think that I shouldn’t identify as, you know, Caribbean [00:06:50] or think or be proud of being from Trinidad and Tobago because my grandma is from there. And I find [00:06:55] that really interesting because, like I was I was brought up in a Caribbean household and I had my [00:07:00] Caribbean family, like I was very close to them. So why would I not also identify [00:07:05] with that side of my family? Like very strange. That was just yesterday. I was like, oh, [00:07:10] that’s a funny comment.
Rhona Eskander: I think that people on social media just have such like strong opinions, and I think [00:07:15] that they’re always like going to try and say something, especially on TikTok, as you said, because people [00:07:20] you say something like, I like the colour pink and people are like, why are you discriminating against blue? [00:07:25] Yeah, you know what I mean? Because then people are very difficult when it comes to that.
Payman Langroudi: You can’t bother yourself [00:07:30] with comments on social.
Rhona Eskander: No no no no. But and.
Amber Rose Gill: I don’t but I [00:07:35] just thought that.
Payman Langroudi: Like particular.
Amber Rose Gill: Comment. Yeah I just thought it was interesting. It’s not that it got to us, but I do [00:07:40] think that it’s a mentality a lot of people have. So because I’ve got a British passport, nationality [00:07:45] is British, I was brought up in Newcastle, therefore I’m not [00:07:50] Caribbean at all.
Rhona Eskander: That’s I understand I hear what you’re saying.
Payman Langroudi: The opposite is the problem [00:07:55] where people think you’re not British at all because there’s something in you that isn’t British. [00:08:00] Right.
Amber Rose Gill: So. Well, I do think it depends on the person. Yeah. So [00:08:05] I think a lot of people have that problem, but my problem is actually the opposite. It’s very much the [00:08:10] opposite. It’s so weird.
Rhona Eskander: I think that that’s like a really valid thing. Right. Because I think [00:08:15] particularly in London and I guess like Britain as a whole, we’re lucky because there’s so many different cultures [00:08:20] and like lots of us will hold the British passport, but look at us like three in a room. You’re [00:08:25] Iranian, have a British passport. You come from Trinidad Tobago, you know you’ve got a British [00:08:30] passport. I’m Lebanese, Egyptian, got a British passport. Do you see what I mean? You know, and then there is [00:08:35] a little bit of like an identity crisis because you’re like, I don’t feel English, but I feel British. Do you see what I mean? [00:08:40] And so, like, I think, you know, that that’s always going to be an interesting conversation. Okay. So you were always [00:08:45] confident, loud like assertive child. [00:08:50] And what was your relationship like with your parents and your brother?
Amber Rose Gill: Really nice. Like [00:08:55] I had a nice childhood.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah.
Amber Rose Gill: It was nice. I mean, yeah, there’s problems, but I’m. That’s [00:09:00] for another time and another conversation. Yeah, that’s with my therapist. Tell me about that. Um, [00:09:05] but yeah. No, I got on with my brother. Really? Well, we both went to the same high school, [00:09:10] and I was having a fun time.
Rhona Eskander: And when you reach like teenage [00:09:15] Hood, was that when you recognised that you wanted to do something within the public space and, you know, become. [00:09:20] No, not at all. So tell us, talk us through that.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. I’m not very [00:09:25] I would never like, sort of act. Well, no, you never say never about things. Maybe in a couple of years I might want to act. [00:09:30] But I was never quite like. Although I had a strong personality, I did have aspects of, like, [00:09:35] not wanting to be the centre of attention. I didn’t like that. My family is very much [00:09:40] like that. They’re very musical theatre, want to perform on stage. And I was just I just wasn’t really like [00:09:45] that. I always had the like, thought in my head that [00:09:50] I would probably be in the public eye or I would do something like that, but I didn’t know what. Mhm. [00:09:55] I just felt it. Yeah.
Rhona Eskander: I just.
Amber Rose Gill: I just felt like, like that. But I was like I don’t think that I would get on [00:10:00] the stage and sing a song for everyone. It doesn’t feel like my kind of thing. But I thought, well, I [00:10:05] feel like I’m built for something, but I don’t know what it is. Yeah, yeah.
Payman Langroudi: So what was the first thing that you did in the public [00:10:10] eye? Was it Love Island.
Amber Rose Gill: The first thing ever? Yeah. So I kind of. Yeah, yeah. It was.
Rhona Eskander: Like, take [00:10:15] us through how they found you for that or how you approached.
Amber Rose Gill: Honestly, I don’t know [00:10:20] how the founders, but it was never really something that I had my eye on. It was it was never something [00:10:25] that I thought for it. No, I never thought I want to be on that show. Because to be honest, [00:10:30] if you watch the show, I’m not very good at dating. I’m not that friendly with dating. [00:10:35] I don’t want to kiss 25 people in a row. That’s what happens on the show. I don’t want to share a bed with someone I don’t know. [00:10:40] I’m very like the opposite of what you have to do on the show. So I never really I never really [00:10:45] had my eye on it. But at 21, I was a beauty therapist and I had been doing it for a couple of years with my [00:10:50] auntie.
Rhona Eskander: Did you like it?
Amber Rose Gill: I loved it, I love, I love my clients, I love doing facials, you [00:10:55] know, I love my skincare, all that stuff. So it was just it was. Totally my forte, but super, [00:11:00] super long hours. And there’s like a cap on how much money you can make as well, because it’s [00:11:05] just you and scaling at 20, I don’t know how to scale a business, I don’t know how to add [00:11:10] someone in and it was too much. So it got to like a stagnant point where I was like, I [00:11:15] kind of want to do something different, but I don’t know what I want to do. Love my clients don’t ever want to leave my clients. I’m [00:11:20] not going to do that. One day I get a Insta DM from [00:11:25] an ITV2 account being like, um, we have [00:11:30] a brand new show on in the summer. It’s a singles certain age [00:11:35] range. If you’re interested, give us a message back. And I showed it to my auntie [00:11:40] and I was like, maybe this is the thing that’s going to like, stop the like, because we’re both in [00:11:45] sort of a rut. I was like, maybe this is the thing. I’ll just answer the DM and go from there. [00:11:50] It probably won’t turn out anything, but let’s just say reply to the DM. Done. [00:11:55] A whole load of auditions, got sent down to London, did an introduction [00:12:00] with like the execs medical stuff, and then it was like, you’re on the show [00:12:05] crazy.
Payman Langroudi: Did you have a huge social media account? No, no, not even that.
Amber Rose Gill: No, no. So [00:12:10] I mean, I had back.
Rhona Eskander: And back then because she’s one of the originals. They it wasn’t about your following. Like nowadays [00:12:15] they might pick someone with a big following, but not then.
Amber Rose Gill: No, I don’t think they would pick.
Payman Langroudi: How did they find her?
Rhona Eskander: I don’t know.
Amber Rose Gill: It’s [00:12:20] a it’s a myth. It’s a myth. Nobody knows. I should ask them that actually.
Rhona Eskander: Did you have at the time 4000?
Amber Rose Gill: Right. [00:12:25] And I know that sounds like a lot, but it’s.
Rhona Eskander: Not a lot.
Amber Rose Gill: And nowadays it’s not a lot now, but it [00:12:30] sounds like a lot for a random 21 year old to have a Newcastle. But I worked in nightclubs, so I was meeting new [00:12:35] people all the time. I was working all the time I was a face. So if you were going out, you know that you see me. [00:12:40] So like I was followed because I was well known within Newcastle, not because people [00:12:45] cared about what I thought or what or anything. To be honest, it’s because people knew me, so I have no idea. [00:12:50] But I might ask them because it’s quite interesting to know how.
Payman Langroudi: The most common question people ask you about [00:12:55] Love Island.
Amber Rose Gill: Oh, I couldn’t even tell you a common question because I’ve been asked every question [00:13:00] 5 million times.
Payman Langroudi: What do people really want to know? That you know, people.
Amber Rose Gill: Want to know what it’s really like. If [00:13:05] it’s scripted, how did I get on it? What do you eat? If [00:13:10] we want to know, what time do you wake up? What time do you go to bed? Yeah, but.
Rhona Eskander: Everyone wants to know everything. Honestly. [00:13:15]
Amber Rose Gill: The comment I don’t have a comment question because I just ask you something.
Rhona Eskander: In the process of [00:13:20] doing it. Were you happy in the process in the villa? Were you actually happy? Were [00:13:25] you waking up every day and being like, I’m enjoying this experience? Yes and.
Amber Rose Gill: No. Yes and no.
Rhona Eskander: Why? [00:13:30]
Amber Rose Gill: Because. Did you watch my season or not?
Rhona Eskander: Do you know, I don’t think I [00:13:35] think I watched like snippets of it and I definitely I remember watching like the kind of end [00:13:40] when you were like winning. Yeah. But for me it was always a show I had in the background. Like I was never invested. [00:13:45] And like I say this with the utmost respect and love because I know you. [00:13:50] But for me, it was very much a platform where people wanted to become famous. So like, I [00:13:55] knew that when like Amber, other Amber, yes, our name now was in it. And also like [00:14:00] she became a patient and she’s also super lovely as well. Yeah. And that was like when she won it with Kem, for example. [00:14:05] And then like I watched bits here and there, but I think what I struggled with was that people [00:14:10] were going on it to just become famous, like in the kind of like more recent series. And [00:14:15] I’d met a lot of people off the show because they obviously tried to get their teeth done, which I actually didn’t connect with. [00:14:20] There was something in my gut that was like, I don’t know if I trust and then, like you two, I’ve been like seeing for [00:14:25] years, which just shows like the authenticity that I’d been like, I treated you guys and [00:14:30] I’ve been your dentist for like five years or more. Do you see what I mean? So that shows that you’ve actually got a [00:14:35] proper connection.
Amber Rose Gill: You do my mom.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah. Yeah. And but that was the thing. And I think [00:14:40] that for me it was always a bit of a, like a background show. So I was never fully invested.
Amber Rose Gill: It is for [00:14:45] some people.
Rhona Eskander: But but people are invested.
Amber Rose Gill: For you with the journey. Because I was in there, I was [00:14:50] the first person to walk in and the last person to walk out. That’s two months long in [00:14:55] some random villa in Spain. And so it’s a long time and a lot of things happen. Obviously [00:15:00] it’s a reality TV show, a lot of things happen, so I’d say I was quite fun. 21 year [00:15:05] old are getting paid to sit in the sun. I mean, do they pay you for it? It was like not that much. Do [00:15:10] you know what I am actually not sure. Other people said they got paid. I don’t know if actually I was [00:15:15] like, I was just happy to be there. To be honest. I was like, fine. No, I think it was like £200 a week maybe, [00:15:20] but I’m I don’t know if I got that, but obviously I won the prize money at the end, so I wasn’t bothered with £200 a week. Yeah, I got 25 [00:15:25] grand at the end, so yeah.
Rhona Eskander: Anyways, five grand.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, yeah, 25 split between two, but we’ll [00:15:30] get into that. So I was the first one in the last one out for two months. And a lot lot of things happened. [00:15:35] So very fun. 21 year old absolutely loved it when I first went in. Didn’t really find [00:15:40] a connection with anyone because who does in one day? Apparently everybody that goes on Love Island apart from me [00:15:45] wasn’t in anyone still having a fun time because I’m made friends and it’s fun. [00:15:50] All you have to do is wake up, put a bikini on, have a couple of shots, have a shower, get into a nice [00:15:55] clothes, put your makeup on, have another couple of shots, go to bed, get up and do the same thing. That’s not great.
Rhona Eskander: To leave though, right? [00:16:00]
Amber Rose Gill: No, no, you’re not allowed to leave. You’re not allowed to leave.
Rhona Eskander: But so did you get homesick?
Amber Rose Gill: No, I’m [00:16:05] not I’m not the type of person that gets homesick, to be honest. If I’m in the sun and I’m in a plane, I just forget. I [00:16:10] forget. I’m like, what?
Rhona Eskander: Home?
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, this is home right now. I’m fine. So yeah, but [00:16:15] there was moments. There was definitely like a pivotal moment where somebody [00:16:20] was just not that nice to us. And I got really upset. And then from that point, I wanted to leave. [00:16:25] Every day I woke up, I wanted to go. I told him every day I’m leaving, I’m going, no, you’re not keeping us [00:16:30] here. I don’t want to be here anymore. Like, that guy’s making me out to be some kind of [00:16:35] just. Can you sweat or not? Can you sweat? Yeah. Sweat.
Rhona Eskander: Sweat all you want. Yeah.
Amber Rose Gill: We [00:16:40] say it.
Rhona Eskander: All the time.
Amber Rose Gill: He’s making me out to be some kind of dickhead, and I can’t be arsed with that anymore. I can’t do it. [00:16:45] And they were like, no, just persevere. Like you’ll be fine. More people are coming in, you’ve got more fun things [00:16:50] that’ll come in and whatever. And I just sat tight and I was like, not really happy, but I’ll [00:16:55] crack on. And I’m glad I did because I won the show. So it was good that I just persevered. [00:17:00] But I wasn’t like, I wouldn’t say. I was like, it wasn’t that bad how I was feeling. I was just a bit [00:17:05] like, what’s the point in us being here? Everything’s very coupley and I’m single, so what’s the point? I’m [00:17:10] just sat like a spare part, so it’s not fun.
Rhona Eskander: But do you think the public voted you to win because [00:17:15] you showed that resilience and strength, and then obviously they brought in someone last minute? I kind of vaguely [00:17:20] remember. And uh, but he literally disappeared off the planet. No.
Amber Rose Gill: Well, God knows [00:17:25] I don’t know. Yeah, well, he has for me.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah, yeah. But as in like, you know, but I think he literally was one of those strange [00:17:30] people that came on to Love Island. And as I said, like most people want it because [00:17:35] they get the like, publicity. But like, he went on it and then like, no one heard from him, like, ever again. [00:17:40]
Amber Rose Gill: But I do think that was partly because he won with me and was split up, and it was [00:17:45] just a bit of a funny situation. I think if it didn’t pan out that way, he wouldn’t have done that. He would have probably he [00:17:50] was.
Rhona Eskander: Sticking his head in the sand.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, because it just ended up being messy.
Payman Langroudi: What were the emotions [00:17:55] coming out so suddenly in? You. Castle. You were completely famous, right? Did you go back to Newcastle? [00:18:00]
Amber Rose Gill: In Newcastle, I was famous across the whole of the. The everywhere.
Payman Langroudi: Yeah, but did you go back to Newcastle? [00:18:05]
Amber Rose Gill: No, I had no time to go back to Newcastle. I got, I flew back to London. I stayed [00:18:10] in London for three weeks. I had what’s it called, closed security. Oh, really? Everywhere. [00:18:15] Everywhere. Like I would go to Westfield. I’d stop buying shoes. I turn around, there’s a crowd [00:18:20] of people outside being like, we want to take a poll with you. And my security was like, we can’t. Like, we’re gonna have to come out [00:18:25] early in the morning or late at night, like, because it’s too much. You come into places on your own. How crazy [00:18:30] is that? So I was like, how long did it take?
Payman Langroudi: Did you pretty soon start hating that fact?
Amber Rose Gill: Yes, I hated [00:18:35] it. I hated it.
Rhona Eskander: Because I was gonna say, did you love it or hate it?
Amber Rose Gill: Oh no, I hated it. I hate it because it’s just too. [00:18:40] I think, you know, if you if you’re an actor or you’re an artist or you’re anything, [00:18:45] you sort of build an audience and you can see the direction that it’s heading in. So you can see, [00:18:50] okay, I’ve got 100,000 followers and then next week I’ve got 200,000 followers. So I know [00:18:55] that I’m getting bigger and I can prepare. Whereas I went in with 4000 and came out with 2 million.
Rhona Eskander: Wow, [00:19:00] wow. That’s insane.
Amber Rose Gill: Like yeah. Yeah. So like you [00:19:05] just can’t you can’t wrap your head around it. And also with [00:19:10] that, when you’ve, you know, you have like a thing that you [00:19:15] do like a niche that you do. So I sing and I do this and this is why I’ve got followers. [00:19:20] I didn’t know why I had followers. I was like, what do I post? What do people want to see from me? I [00:19:25] don’t know why you’re following me because I don’t post anything yet. So what? What the hell do I even [00:19:30] put on?
Rhona Eskander: Did you immediately do the thing that people do where you went straight to like [00:19:35] the comments and stuff? So you came like not having had a phone and then you got on phone. Were you like, curious what people were [00:19:40] saying about you online as like a first reaction?
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, 100%.
Rhona Eskander: How did that affect you?
Amber Rose Gill: It’s [00:19:45] great because everyone loved us. Yeah.
Rhona Eskander: I love it. I love it [00:19:50] so good. That’s why you want. Yeah, exactly I love this. So what are any negative comments I.
Amber Rose Gill: Mean [00:19:55] yeah there was negative comments.
Rhona Eskander: Did it affect you or not?
Amber Rose Gill: Not at that time because it was overwhelmingly positive. [00:20:00] Like overwhelmingly, you know, if you win the show everyone’s like, yeah. You show people to like, [00:20:05] you know, be strong no matter whether someone’s, you know, being a dick to you, like you showed [00:20:10] girls not to put up with shit. You’re amazing. You’ve got strong personality. You’re very straight. You’re a good [00:20:15] friend. Da da da. So my head was massive. I was like, yeah, best person in the world. Yeah, I love that. [00:20:20]
Payman Langroudi: How long did it take before people stopped hounding you and bothering you or recognising [00:20:25] you, or do they still like they.
Amber Rose Gill: Still do now? It’s not as crazy now. Yeah, it’s more manageable now. [00:20:30] So I’m in a happier place.
Payman Langroudi: In Camden Town now. A couple of people will say hi.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, probably. [00:20:35]
Payman Langroudi: Really?
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. Of course.
Rhona Eskander: You’ve got. I mean, look, I’ve got a friend of mine, she’s an influencer and she’s [00:20:40] got 3 million followers and she’s not on TV. But like, we went to Lesvos, which is [00:20:45] refugee camp. I took her to my refugee camp, my refugee camp, a refugee camp, but I work in. Yeah. [00:20:50] Um, every year I go and do dental work. They imagine there was someone in this little Greek town where this refugee [00:20:55] camp is. They recognised her. Imagine. Who is she? Chrissy. My friend. Yeah, but [00:21:00] imagine, like they were like. Chrissy, I do your workouts. Do you know what I mean? That’s in Lesvos, you know, [00:21:05] so I can’t. Obviously, that doesn’t surprise me that people would know who Amber is. Okay. So [00:21:10] obviously I’m gonna, you know, classically ask you because a thing like Love Island developed a really [00:21:15] bad reputation for not supporting people through their mental health. Yeah. You know, people took their life after [00:21:20] the show. So at that time when you were doing it, did they provide you with mental health support? Yeah, [00:21:25] they did, they did. I think it got to the.
Amber Rose Gill: Point where it was like an actual like I had to actually do.
Rhona Eskander: Something. [00:21:30] So what happened?
Amber Rose Gill: So I believe it was 14 weeks of therapy after [00:21:35] the show.
Rhona Eskander: And that’s compulsory for everyone or you win. Not everyone but.
Amber Rose Gill: Everyone. Yeah, [00:21:40] I think I did 12 weeks of it, but I didn’t really find it that beneficial. [00:21:45] Um, it wasn’t until later on that I’ve, you know, got a do therapy. [00:21:50] I’ve been doing therapy for two years straight now, but it wasn’t really beneficial for me at the time because I didn’t really [00:21:55] get it. It’s not really a thing in Newcastle. I mean, it probably is now, but at the time it wasn’t [00:22:00] like, oh, I’ve got a therapist. Well, what the fuck? Yeah. What’s wrong.
Rhona Eskander: With you? Yeah.
Amber Rose Gill: I mean, like, what’s going on? [00:22:05] And I didn’t realise that you have to fight. The most important thing about therapy is you have to find the right fit. [00:22:10] You have to find the right fit for you, the right person. So I. Oh, yeah, the right therapist. You’ve got to find the right [00:22:15] fit. Because, you know, I had a white therapist that was given to me, [00:22:20] like given to me from Love Island, and it just she was fine, but she was just fine. [00:22:25] And I don’t want fine. I want it to be a proper thing. Yeah. Whereas now [00:22:30] I have black Caribbean woman and some things that I talk about she just can relate to, and she [00:22:35] can understand why I would have a certain mentality or certain thought process on things. So it’s just about the [00:22:40] fit, because now I feel like I could go to her and say whatever the hell I want, whereas I feel [00:22:45] like with the one that was provided via Love Island, I felt like I was performing and she just kept [00:22:50] going, God, you’re doing really well. You can’t believe you’re only 22 and you do it. And I was like, yeah, I’m great, I’m great. And [00:22:55] I used to walk out and think, what the fuck was the.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah, I.
Amber Rose Gill: Can say I feel good.
Payman Langroudi: Just like the [00:23:00] the very lowest point and the very highest point. But what is it? What [00:23:05] happens when you come out?
Rhona Eskander: And before Amber goes on to that, I want to make a comment about the therapist, because I think that’s [00:23:10] a really important point. I also like when I recognise that I had mental health issues, was [00:23:15] quite early on in my life, and I basically got like recommended therapists [00:23:20] be like, go and see this person through like health insurance. And then I was like, I had, as you said, a very okay [00:23:25] experience. And I thought, this is just it and this is what happens. And like you said, sometimes [00:23:30] I used to go and sit in the room and just try to like fill the spaces by just like talking. And they’d be like, oh, you’re like [00:23:35] doing great, you’re fine, etc. and I used to not enjoy the sessions, not want to turn up, but I thought that’s [00:23:40] just the way that it is. Then when I found my recent therapist, who I’ve been with [00:23:45] for like three years and like, it’s such a huge difference. Like she’s life changing. I’ve even had her on the podcast [00:23:50] and it makes such a difference because and it’s like, I think like just don’t force [00:23:55] the shoe to fit. And I even say that with like, dentists and doctors, like if you go and your initial [00:24:00] consultation or something is like, I don’t feel this is right, like, just go with it, don’t stick at it. You know, this is [00:24:05] not a relationship. You don’t have to kind of like work through it. Like there are people. And I think importantly, [00:24:10] what you said was, is that because you had a therapist that understood your heritage, like we’re understanding more [00:24:15] that like people of certain cultures and backgrounds have also got like epigenetic trauma instilled [00:24:20] in them, you know, like when you look at our ancestors and we actually carry that in our DNA and people [00:24:25] didn’t know that. So like you said, like your realities and your traumas are inherently within your body [00:24:30] that like, I couldn’t necessarily understand or Payman and vice versa.
Payman Langroudi: Your instincts.
Rhona Eskander: Well, [00:24:35] we had this conversation before.
Amber Rose Gill: So I think I do. And it was really interesting [00:24:40] because the other day I was watching this video and I don’t know if you’ve seen it, I’ll [00:24:45] show you it later. And it’s a guy and he’s talking about how easy when manipulated. And he’s got two [00:24:50] dots on the screen, he’s got a red dot and he’s got a blue dot. And he says, okay, [00:24:55] you think that these are equal? They’re actually not equal. So put your hand up. If you think the red is bigger, put your hand [00:25:00] up. If you think the blue is bigger and like 90% of the people put the hand up and he’s like, well, actually they’re equal. But because I [00:25:05] made you choose something, you’re so easily manipulated to choose which one you think is bigger. And [00:25:10] whilst I was watching that video, I was thinking, no, neither of them are bigger. I think they’re equal. I [00:25:15] think they’re equal. Yeah, I still like regardless, he’s making us choose. I’m like, I’m not choosing. So I’m like, oh, I [00:25:20] do trust my instinct to a degree. But I think it’s it’s dipped in and out throughout [00:25:25] my life trusting my instinct. And I feel like I’ve come back to doing it now because I used to do it when I was younger. [00:25:30] And then with the sort of whole Love Island thing, you learn not to. Why? And then [00:25:35] because you just do like when you when I come off the [00:25:40] show, it’s all well and great. Everyone loving this and I’m getting all these compliments, but I think that you’re [00:25:45] like adapt yourself because a big part of the industry is being liked. And if [00:25:50] you want to be liked, you’ve got to be like a certain way. And I think I had bad [00:25:55] teams around us or bad people around us, not necessarily my friends or family, but just bad, like work [00:26:00] environment. And they were kind of like, oh, don’t be too sweary or [00:26:05] don’t say your opinions as much or be like a bit softer and la la la.
Rhona Eskander: And I call it PR [00:26:10] training. But you know what I think? I think it’s an annihilation of your true self sometimes, because I’ve had friends [00:26:15] of mine in the public eye and they’re like, I’ve had media training and I have to do this, and I have to wear these colours and dress [00:26:20] like this. And I’m like, I get it, but you’re just trying to fit a mould, right? That’s what I think.
Payman Langroudi: That was for the old [00:26:25] media. Yeah, they.
Rhona Eskander: Still do it now.
Amber Rose Gill: And.
Rhona Eskander: They still do the media training now. Right.
Payman Langroudi: But it doesn’t it [00:26:30] doesn’t relate so well. Yeah.
Amber Rose Gill: Social. It doesn’t come across as well. But I think that [00:26:35] part of like the sort of old love I love Island management style was [00:26:40] that whereas now I’ve got new sort of management I mean, no disrespect to old management. They did their [00:26:45] job and they were good, but they had an old mentality. Now I’ve got a younger management in the kind of get that the [00:26:50] need to let me be who I am, because that’s who people like. And it’s not necessarily about the press [00:26:55] or what the Daily Mail says or what the Sun says, like nobody’s even reading them anymore. It’s about what the what the people on TikTok, [00:27:00] whether they want to engage with you, whether they’re buying the things that you, you know, you promoting, [00:27:05] whether they’re investing in you, that kind of thing.
Payman Langroudi: Why would someone choose to listen to this? Yeah. [00:27:10] No, no, wait wait wait. There’s so many things they could do. They could watch succession [00:27:15] on TV. They could flip TikTok. Right. But, you know, there’s the reason why they [00:27:20] do it is because there’s real talk, real questions, real answers. And [00:27:25] we’ve had so little of that on TV. You know, that people crave [00:27:30] this.
Rhona Eskander: I do think I mean, I’m gonna I’m gonna ask Alan, but I do think that, like on a subconscious [00:27:35] level, though, like the response that we even get from people on social media [00:27:40] does also guide us in a way, on the way that we communicate with [00:27:45] our audiences and like what we feel like we’re censored about saying, like, we’ve discussed this before, [00:27:50] and I think that anyone that has a platform I might be wrong does have a deep sense [00:27:55] of like, I hope I don’t get. Cancelled or people like, go against me. Like, maybe you’re over that, maybe you [00:28:00] don’t care. But I’m conscious sometimes of like the fact that I say things not to be liked, but I’m not [00:28:05] offending someone gravely, intensely, you know, because I recognise, especially [00:28:10] with TikTok, more than Instagram. Um, as I said, like, people could be like, you just said, [00:28:15] you like pink. Why? Why haven’t you given green a chance? Yeah. Green deserves to be seen, [00:28:20] you know? I mean, it’s like. Yeah. And it’s a lot. So I think there’s a, there’s a sometimes you’re [00:28:25] just mindful that you’re yourself, but you’re mindful of the way you’re putting across your stuff. I don’t know. [00:28:30] That’s something I think about.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah I think that I probably was like that on the, on the further [00:28:35] end of the scale, to the point where I felt like I wasn’t being true to myself. And I think that’s when I started [00:28:40] to not enjoy what I was doing. I didn’t really want to post was really quiet, remember, like when we first [00:28:45] met, I don’t think I was that active on like social media. I’m way more active now because I think [00:28:50] I was like trying to put myself in a box. Okay, I have too many unfollowers now I’m going to post [00:28:55] the outfit pictures that everybody that else with 2 million followers is posting. I want to do a cute picture with a coffee [00:29:00] and put a filter on it and write a cat, you know what I mean? That’s what I was trying to do. And I’m like, well, hold on a second, [00:29:05] that’s not you. You wear flip flops and Lululemon leggings to Harrods. Like you’re not the same as these people. [00:29:10] You’re not in a static photo like stop. And I think I got to that point and I was like, I [00:29:15] just it was exhausting. So right now I get what you’re saying. I’m mindful [00:29:20] to a degree, but I think in talking to anyone, you’re mindful to a degree. And I think that degree has [00:29:25] to lessen. When you’re on social, you have to just not care because you [00:29:30] lose sight of who you are, but then it becomes not enjoyable. You don’t enjoy it. And I think the main [00:29:35] thing about posting and and producing content, you just need to enjoy what you do, because people can tell when you’re [00:29:40] enjoying yourself. And yeah, because I just don’t believe you. Just burn yourself out so easily. If [00:29:45] you’re like, what if I’m offending someone like, oh, who cares? Yeah, who cares?
Rhona Eskander: I know you [00:29:50] have always embraced being your authentic self. So back to Payman question, what was your lowest point and then your highest [00:29:55] point?
Amber Rose Gill: Oh God. There were several lowest points, but I think the lowest of the low was, um, [00:30:00] I had like this launch party when I did a fashion collaboration and I [00:30:05] got super drunk, everyone was buying me drinks and stuff, and someone posted a story where I look a bit. [00:30:10] It doesn’t look good.
Rhona Eskander: It didn’t look good at this moment. It didn’t.
Amber Rose Gill: Look [00:30:15] good. I mean, I wasn’t as I wasn’t as bad as how I looked. I didn’t like I definitely [00:30:20] wasn’t that drunk. My family were there. I wasn’t that bad. But this video just caught us looking crazy. Someone [00:30:25] posted it. it got picked up on so fast it was all over Twitter. She should be [00:30:40] cancelled. Um, she’s taken drugs in the club and it’s crazy. And [00:30:45] decline the fashion collab, you know, revoke the money from Love [00:30:50] Island. Like everything, it was horrendous. It was horrendous. And I think if that happened [00:30:55] to us now, it would be completely different. But I think at the time I wasn’t sort of in a proper therapy, [00:31:00] probably didn’t have a good circle. I was quite someone that liked to deal with things [00:31:05] on their own. And so I sat by myself and I just was just trying [00:31:10] to deal with it on my own, and I couldn’t. It was so difficult.
Rhona Eskander: Dark thoughts.
Amber Rose Gill: Oh my God, it was horrendous. Like [00:31:15] it was just so bad. And my management were like, just sit tight and it’ll blow over. And I’m like, well, it doesn’t feel like [00:31:20] that for me right now. Yeah, I can’t sit tight because what about the now? Yeah. You know, it’s fine. [00:31:25] In two weeks I might laugh about it, but right now I’m in hell, like I can’t. I [00:31:30] don’t want to go out. Don’t want to go out in case someone sees isn’t there like, yeah, she’s the one that was on drugs [00:31:35] or whatever. I just wanted to stay in the house and not talk to anyone, sit in a dark room and do nothing for the longest [00:31:40] amount of time. It was. It was horrendous.
Rhona Eskander: Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. [00:31:45] Yeah. Like in those points. Yeah. Yeah, I think prior to that. Probably [00:31:50] not. But I think, you know, it’s easy on the outside looking [00:31:55] in. So back before I had followers, I’d be like, why is anyone that’s got 2 [00:32:00] million followers upset and you get grip? Yeah, I got money upset. They need to like, [00:32:05] think about the priorities. And then I was like, oh no, fuck. Like it happens. Like it does [00:32:10] happen. And so yeah, that those are the times where I really felt like that. It was really it was [00:32:15] awful.
Payman Langroudi: Were there thousands of comments?
Amber Rose Gill: Like hundreds of thousands. Yeah.
Payman Langroudi: And so the accumulation [00:32:20] of those was and.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, that’s what I was going to say is it’s that like it’s easy to look and think [00:32:25] everything’s fine. Like what you’re bothered by a couple of comments. It’s not a couple. [00:32:30] It’s not a couple. You know, everyone’s dealt with negative comments, but when you’re dealing with hundreds [00:32:35] of thousands it’s a different unless we’ve experienced, you can never understand what it’s like when [00:32:40] people are piling on top of you. You can never understand. I think we.
Rhona Eskander: Failed as a society. Like, look, even [00:32:45] what was hitting the news like, I literally couldn’t care less really, about the royals. Like it’s not for me, but [00:32:50] like the Kate Middleton thing, like the way that the media was speculating and like bullying and then she’s like [00:32:55] forced to come out and be like, oh, I have cancer. I felt for her. Right. Like, you know, to have that like [00:33:00] kind of like public scrutiny. And I think we have failed and I think that we’re not getting [00:33:05] any better. Like we’re not getting better as a society. Like like we keep saying like, be [00:33:10] kind when someone’s killed themselves. Caroline Flack, you know, is like perfect example. And I just find that really heartbreaking. [00:33:15] It’s always like in hindsight, oh, be kind. I mean, in the Dental arena, like Dental trolls are [00:33:20] the worst. It’s like forums of, like dentists, like slating other dentists and stuff. And I just find it so [00:33:25] crazy. But like you said, people be like, well, you have followers, you have this, you have that. There’s nothing to be upset [00:33:30] about. And it’s like, actually the pressure becomes more, you know, and I think like, you [00:33:35] know, we should definitely have more empathy for that.
Payman Langroudi: You know, illness doesn’t really discriminate between [00:33:40] rich people or poor people. You know.
Rhona Eskander: Mental health, illness, physical illness, all of them. Yeah.
Payman Langroudi: Yeah. [00:33:45] Like toothache for a billionaire is just as bad as toothache for someone who hasn’t got a [00:33:50] job and is unemployed or whatever. Yeah, it’s still cheating. Yeah, but we don’t recognise that in the mental space. [00:33:55] Yeah, yeah. And in the mental space is just as bad or worse. If you’ve got a great life [00:34:00] and suddenly this happens, you’re losing everything in the meantime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:34:05] What was the other point? What was the most exciting? What was it sort of what? You had to take a moment. Hi. [00:34:10] Wow.
Amber Rose Gill: So many, so many highs. There are so many highs and lows of like, what I’ve done, [00:34:15] but, like, it was just sort of. Having like, money was [00:34:20] nice. Like having freedom to do what I wanted to do or buy what I wanted to buy was crazy. [00:34:25] I was like, I remember one time my accountant said, are [00:34:30] you sure you don’t want to spend more money? I was like, what do you mean? If your accountants telling you that you should [00:34:35] spend more money, you can definitely spend more money. Because I was just like, I didn’t know what to do. I buy one bag [00:34:40] and I’d be like, oh, yeah.
Payman Langroudi: There’s a level of financial there’s that don’t have to worry about your bills [00:34:45] anymore. Yeah, that’s like a really important moment. Yeah, because I remember [00:34:50] having to worry about bills. Yeah. Or electricity bill. Water bill. God pay the bills. [00:34:55] Yeah. Then that goes away. Then there’s a next level where, I don’t know, you go to any [00:35:00] restaurant or order anything on the menu and not look not look at the price. Yeah, yeah. And that’s that’s [00:35:05] beautiful. Then there’s the next level that you go, go on any holiday and take any flight, look after.
Rhona Eskander: Your friends, [00:35:10] stay.
Payman Langroudi: In any hotel. And but it does wear away is what I’m saying. Like okay. Like it doesn’t [00:35:15] go much further than.
Amber Rose Gill: No it doesn’t, it doesn’t. But I think I went from here to here in the space of two seconds because I was like, oh my [00:35:20] God.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah, the.
Amber Rose Gill: Food, I can have champagne, I can do whatever. Like it was crazy. [00:35:25] Yeah. Um, but yeah, it was just I think that and also giving to your family.
Rhona Eskander: Right. Because you [00:35:30] paid for your mum’s teeth, I did, yeah. Like as an Amber paid. You know, her mum had a full.
Payman Langroudi: That must be the best [00:35:35] feeling.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah. Like amazing. Like giving back to your mum that like, in that way I always think, like, if you can pay something medical for your parents, [00:35:40] that’s huge. Yeah.
Amber Rose Gill: I always like to do certain things. I always feel like never do enough [00:35:45] for them, though. I always feel like I just want to do even more stuff. Um, [00:35:50] but yeah, that’s that’s definitely like an amazing feeling because she was having such a annoying time [00:35:55] and I was like, you know what? I’ll take it to my girl. She’ll sort you out. And that’s such a nice feeling. And it was [00:36:00] it was a really nice feeling. But as well, I will say like the hot holidays, the opportunities, the [00:36:05] opportunities are crazy. I was getting paid. I remember I did a deal where they flew me to Tobago [00:36:10] to do all excursions to promote a competition where you won the trip. [00:36:15] So I did everything. I know how crazy is that? And like I got paid to to like go on holiday. [00:36:20] Yeah. To snorkel. Yeah. And it was like all I do was like snorkel and look cute. And then I was done. Yeah. And I got [00:36:25] to take one of my family members with us there. I took my cousin with us and we’re like.
Rhona Eskander: This is [00:36:30] crazy.
Amber Rose Gill: Like, what is going on? People have paid me to come here. And you were like, come with [00:36:35] me. We flew business class. And yeah, I was like, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. To answer [00:36:40] that. Yeah, it was the best thing ever.
Rhona Eskander: So on the way up, obviously you make [00:36:45] friends and then you’ve got to be wary of people. And you know me and you have had this conversation before. Do you find [00:36:50] it difficult or did you trust your intuition with like, people that you met on Long Way? Because I’m sure a lot of people [00:36:55] wanted to be friends with you, right? And they didn’t necessarily want it to be friends with you because of who you are, but also [00:37:00] like, you know, is there like the soul of who you are, but they also wanted the stuff that comes with it. You know, [00:37:05] we’ve discussed this before. So did you find it hard meeting people that you knew, like had your genuine [00:37:10] like best interest at heart?
Amber Rose Gill: No, I don’t find that hard because I don’t think I’m an easy [00:37:15] person to make friends with. Okay. Like I’m not very. No. I’m an [00:37:20] easy person to make acquaintances with. Like, I can be friendly, I can go to events, I can talk to people. But I think to get really [00:37:25] close to is I struggle with that with people in general. So I don’t think that anyone [00:37:30] that has the intention of being friends with me would expect anything, because I wouldn’t give them anything [00:37:35] anyway. Like I’m not very like, oh yeah, all my friends come together. I’m just not like that. [00:37:40] Yeah, I have always had quite like a small circle. And, you know, I’ve always liked to deal with [00:37:45] things on my own. So I didn’t even tell anyone about stuff that was going on. So I’ve never really had that [00:37:50] problem. And I think people were a bit they knew that about me as well. So I think people [00:37:55] avoid us. If they’re looking for a friend that’s going to give them something. I don’t think people would look at me. I think they would [00:38:00] look at someone else. So I’ve never I don’t think I’ve ever really had that issue. Would you say is quite [00:38:05] fortunate to be honest, because I think it’s a big thing in the industry, isn’t it?
Rhona Eskander: Are you, would [00:38:10] you say you’re an introvert or an extrovert?
Amber Rose Gill: Both at the same time. Really? Yeah.
Rhona Eskander: Okay, I [00:38:15] love that.
Amber Rose Gill: I think with me, I think with everyone, I think, um, I’m [00:38:20] not someone that you can put in a box. I can sit here and talk to you for hours on end about anything. [00:38:25] I can also sit in the house and I don’t want to go out. I can go and party till 11 a.m. if I want to. [00:38:30] I can sit in the house and read a book by myself. Like I’m not one thing or anything. I’m not an introvert [00:38:35] or an extrovert. I can be both.
Rhona Eskander: Do you think that’s because you love yourself? Not in like a way of like in terms [00:38:40] of, like ego, but isn’t like, you know who you are and you respect your own boundaries and you like, you like [00:38:45] I know who I am. And like I’m saying it in the, like, the affectionate way because often I’m like, I don’t [00:38:50] think I love myself because I do things that aren’t authentically aligned with what I want to do. Do you see what I mean? Because I’m [00:38:55] worried about trying to make everyone else happy. So. But what I’m hearing is, is that you do things to make you happy [00:39:00] when it suits you.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, yeah. I don’t know if that’s loving yourself, because I think I [00:39:05] do sometimes and I don’t sometimes. Yeah, sorry if I’m being wishy washy, but it’s just true, isn’t it? It’s [00:39:10] the truth of life. Sometimes you do love yourself, sometimes you don’t. But again, probably come from [00:39:15] very early. I’ve always liked to do what I want. Yeah, because I’ve got, I’ve got and I don’t [00:39:20] know if this is with the ADHD. Apparently it is a very strong sense of like justice and [00:39:25] doing the right thing. So I’ve always felt very strongly that whatever I’m doing, I’m probably doing [00:39:30] the right thing or I’m being a good person, so I don’t need to worry about, is this person happy? Is that person happy? Because I feel [00:39:35] like I’m doing your.
Payman Langroudi: Intention is.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, my intention is always good.
Rhona Eskander: It’s really interesting. [00:39:40] So you’ve mentioned ADHD. I definitely think I have so many of my friends think I have it. [00:39:45] Maybe even you do like everyone you have like Prav thinks I have it. Everyone thinks I have it to Prav tell you, I got [00:39:50] told off at dinner. No, by your boss. My partner. Because I can’t [00:39:55] like my brain’s just like I can multitask. I’ve like, got, like, classic symptoms. But [00:40:00] let’s talk about how you got diagnosed. So.
Amber Rose Gill: I can’t [00:40:05] remember exactly what happened, but I just, you know, when I came [00:40:10] off the show, like I was saying, I couldn’t post with the coffee cups and da da da. I couldn’t [00:40:15] do anything properly. I wasn’t doing it to the best of my ability. I just knew I was sort of doing [00:40:20] it and I was enjoying it. Freedom, holidays, everything is great. But I was just like, am I doing the best job? No, [00:40:25] I don’t feel like I am, but I don’t know why. I want to post things on time. I want to post six posts [00:40:30] a week. I want to post once a week on YouTube. I had all these big aspirations and I could never do it. And it wasn’t like [00:40:35] time constraint. It was just like me. There was. It was me blocking myself. And I knew that. And I think [00:40:40] a couple of years later I sort of connected the dots. I was like, actually, I’m my biggest like worst, biggest [00:40:45] own, worst, worst enemy. I’m my own worst enemy. Yeah, I’m my own worst enemy. [00:40:50] And so I need to figure out what’s going on. And I did loads of research on ADHD [00:40:55] and I was like, that sounds a bit like me. I didn’t think anything of it because I was just [00:41:00] like, I don’t need to get diagnosed. It’s not changing my life. I don’t think it’s going to change my life. And [00:41:05] then progressively I was like, do you know what? No. I feel like I could do better, be like, I procrastinate. I feel like in relationships [00:41:10] it shows up in friendships and everything. I’m too scattered. I’m not focussed on one thing, [00:41:15] so I’m probably not doing the best at what I need to be doing. So then in [00:41:20] 2022, I think went to a private clinic and got diagnosed, [00:41:25] she was like, yeah, he’s done.
Rhona Eskander: So they make you do a written test or both like verbal and written [00:41:30] verbal. Okay.
Amber Rose Gill: It was all it was all verbal I think. Well it might have been 2021 because I don’t [00:41:35] know if it was verbal because it was like Covid year time. Yeah. I feel like yeah it was some. Yeah. [00:41:40] So I had to do a big long hour and a half with the woman and she was like, yep, you’ve definitely heard it. And [00:41:45] then everything was like, wow, I feel like I could have done better in school. I feel like I could have just [00:41:50] thrived a lot more in life. Looking back on this type of questions that she asked, I was like, oh [00:41:55] yeah, like probably could have done better in grades. I might have went uni. I mean, I got [00:42:00] offered, but that was just not on my sights because I was just chaos. And then [00:42:05] I had the whole meltdown about medication because it didn’t really want to be on medication.
Rhona Eskander: They recommend medication [00:42:10] at the time or not.
Amber Rose Gill: It’s not recommended. It’s kind of based on what you want, [00:42:15] you know, because in itself, just getting diagnosed as a very it’s a very big [00:42:20] it’s a very big thing. And it doesn’t sound like because like I’ve been diagnosed, but you’re suddenly more [00:42:25] receptive of yourself. Like subconsciously you’re like, okay, I feel like this, [00:42:30] this is because of this. So I’m either going to do this or this kind of thing.
Payman Langroudi: So I’m feeling [00:42:35] a feeling of, you missed out on stuff in your life because you [00:42:40] were like this, or was the feeling of feeling of finally like it wasn’t my fault. [00:42:45] It wasn’t, you know, like.
Amber Rose Gill: It went it both at the same time. So I [00:42:50] think at first it was like, I think I cried on the call, to be honest. I cried on the call. I was like, [00:42:55] just it’s like it’s it’s such a strange feeling. It’s both at the exact same [00:43:00] time. It’s like, oh my God. I understand now why I was getting told off [00:43:05] so much in school and I was not paying attention. I was chaos and I could have just I couldn’t [00:43:10] just focus and do an exam or revise or do what I needed to do. And that’s really sad because I’m [00:43:15] like, oh, that little Amber. I didn’t know what was going on. She was just trying to do our best, and [00:43:20] she didn’t know that she had ADHD. And that’s sad. But then also it’s like, oh my God, now I know [00:43:25] the future is going to be fantastic because like, you just [00:43:30] I think when you come to an understanding of something, you just have so much power [00:43:35] over it. I had no power over it before. I had no power. But and [00:43:40] this.
Rhona Eskander: Is the whole thing because like, I’ve always known that like, I’m a I’m a different child, I’m a different person, [00:43:45] like I just am. And there’s certain parts of me, like you said, like the deep empathy, [00:43:50] the real sense of like wrong or right, like the moral compass and stuff like that. I’ve had it [00:43:55] always since I was like a child, but my concentration is terrible. Like, you know what I’m like. I [00:44:00] can have like a million conversations at once. I have to multitask to concentrate on this. And that’s [00:44:05] why dentistry is actually really good for my brain, because I have to be focussed on the physical in that time, [00:44:10] you know, it keeps me actually focussed and that’s like, I’m so lucky I’m a dentist because [00:44:15] doing stuff like requires like being on laptop or like doing stuff on your phone, I [00:44:20] get distracted and I end up doing like a million apps at a time and not finishing one job properly. Yeah. And [00:44:25] I think, like you said, like if people utilise different types of brains in different [00:44:30] ways because at school I was told I was really stupid. I told I was never going to get into dental school and like, I just had the sense [00:44:35] of like, I’m going to prove you all wrong. I didn’t really get a job after that. Like, you know, I had to start my own practice [00:44:40] when everyone else was like getting jobs everywhere else because all these different things, like people didn’t basically [00:44:45] believe in me. And like, you know, they say, now, if you know, someone has autism, [00:44:50] Asperger’s, that you can actually put them like in jobs that make them, like really efficient. If you understand [00:44:55] the way they work, like, you know, they want to show someone with their genius. Yeah, use their [00:45:00] genius. Like they put someone that had Asperger’s. They’d never had a job. And like a super. Market and [00:45:05] the organisation of the aisles was like crazy. They use their brain in a way that like, [00:45:10] they can actually function rather than making them fit into a box.
Amber Rose Gill: You know something about [00:45:15] judge a fish by its ability to swim, not climbing a tree. Yeah.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah, I [00:45:20] love that. I really love that.
Amber Rose Gill: I totally like, resonate with that because in school [00:45:25] I just yeah, I couldn’t I couldn’t do it. So other than.
Payman Langroudi: Now the guilt of it’s kind of gone. [00:45:30] Like, I don’t know if procrastination is one of your problems, but. Let’s hear now. Now you haven’t got guilt over it, have [00:45:35] you now got ways of dealing with ADHD?
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, I think I’m because [00:45:40] I don’t know if it’s it’s very predominant in women, but shame. It feels like everything [00:45:45] feels very shameful because it’s just, you know, if, you know, I’m looking on [00:45:50] Instagram and people are doing all these deals and I’m sat on the sofa for hours [00:45:55] and I can’t kick my brain into gear to do the things that I need to do, there’s a lot of shame. [00:46:00] It’s like, it’s your fault. Why are you like this? Just go and do it and it makes [00:46:05] everything worse. When you talk to yourself like that, it doesn’t make anything better. So you sit for longer and it’s just a spiral [00:46:10] of, like, getting worse. So when the sort of shame lifts, [00:46:15] it’s like, okay, maybe I’ll sit on the sofa for an hour now, [00:46:20] and then I’ll take one thing off and then I’ll do this and you sort of kinder to yourself. And then slowly [00:46:25] you started have 25 things in the day and it’s not bothering you, but you [00:46:30] also don’t have that little voice in your head that’s like, you need to do this and you need to be productive [00:46:35] and you need to need you need it. So if you get to a point where you’re like, actually, I kind of feel a bit strange, [00:46:40] you can have a break and be like, no, this is why I’m having a break. And then continue. One thing I wanted to [00:46:45] ask.
Rhona Eskander: You was, is did you feel that you want to take medication?
Amber Rose Gill: It was a [00:46:50] bit of a funny one, I think, being from Newcastle. You just [00:46:55] get on with life and you don’t really talk about problems. Very Caribbean as well, actually. [00:47:00] You don’t really talk about problems. You don’t take medication unless you’ve broken your leg. You can have painkillers, but you don’t [00:47:05] take medication for things that don’t exist just in your brain. And so although [00:47:10] if some if my friend came to me and said, I [00:47:15] want to take medication, I would say go for it. Yeah, yeah, whatever makes you feel better. Because I don’t really adopt [00:47:20] that mentality. Your subconscious, that’s what’s being programmed. So I felt like that. [00:47:25] I felt really strange about it. Why do I need to take medication? What? Because you sit on the sofa for hours. You don’t need to take [00:47:30] medication for that. Let’s get up off your ass and do what you need to do kind of thing. And then. It [00:47:35] was whilst I was in a relationship. It becomes really obvious to [00:47:40] the person that I’m with because I think on the face of it, a lot of people wouldn’t think I’ve got [00:47:45] ADHD because I’ve got more inattentive ADHD than hyperactive because I’m not a hyperactive person [00:47:50] at all. But in my brain is the most hyperactive thing. But when you’re so close [00:47:55] to someone in your relationship and you’re living together, they sort of notice the little things that you struggle with. So [00:48:00] say I’m going on holiday or I’m going on a trip for work and I’ve got my suitcase out. It’ll [00:48:05] take me 24 hours to do the case, and I’m having a meltdown about it because I can’t. [00:48:10] My brain like distraction. I’m going to get my electric toothbrush. I know it’s a spot on [00:48:15] the mirror that’s a bit dirty. I want to clean the mirror. And then. Oh, the shower’s video. And I’m cleaning the shower, and [00:48:20] it’s like, no, I was packing the suitcase. And so it just becomes like.
Rhona Eskander: And then your brain gets so like. [00:48:25]
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, because it’s like, what the hell am I even doing? Yeah. And then it was, yeah, my partner at the time was like, [00:48:30] nah, like just try medication because I don’t want to see you. Like, you struggle. You struggle a lot. So then and [00:48:35] I got a shock. I was like, what do you mean? I struggle, I’m fine. I was like, no, maybe. Maybe [00:48:40] she’s right. Like I need to.
Rhona Eskander: So did you take the medication? Yeah. And.
Amber Rose Gill: Great. [00:48:45] Yeah, because God did a titration period. So started on like [00:48:50] a lower dosage and then sort of assess where I was with that. Higher, [00:48:55] higher, higher. I’m still in the titration period now because I’m still indecisive. I can’t decide [00:49:00] which dose is better for me, but from the beginning it was [00:49:05] noticeable. The difference was noticeable. I was handling things better. I could, you know, [00:49:10] reply to emails and do admin and and not be so [00:49:15] caught up in my feelings and just everything got better.
Payman Langroudi: What did you take?
Rhona Eskander: What [00:49:20] did I say? Ritalin.
Amber Rose Gill: No, not Ritalin. It’s a Concerta. Okay, I’m on Concerta. [00:49:25] Yeah, I heard bad things about Ritalin, so I didn’t do Ritalin.
Rhona Eskander: And if [00:49:30] you want to go off it, is that an option? Like, is it like, do the doctors say. Or do you have to again, like, you know, like antidepressants, [00:49:35] you have to be weaned off because if you go off completely, like it’s really dangerous.
Amber Rose Gill: No, I don’t think that’s [00:49:40] the case for ADHD. I don’t think that’s the case. I’m not entirely sure, but I don’t I [00:49:45] don’t think that’s the case. I think if it was the case, I would know because they’d be like, don’t stop taking it. You need to not [00:49:50] stop taking it. And are there.
Payman Langroudi: Any side effects?
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah there are. There’s a list of side [00:49:55] effects. So the only one that I find when I take a higher dosage. So I try not to take [00:50:00] well, I’m not on a higher dosage. Loss of appetite and insomnia are my [00:50:05] two biggest ones. And so I ended up going on lower dosage because I don’t want to, you know, lose [00:50:10] my appetite obviously. And I want to be able to sleep. Yeah. So that’s when I that’s [00:50:15] like part of the titration period. If you notice you start to get side effects, bring it back down again. [00:50:20] But you know what?
Rhona Eskander: There is like such a stigma still around it. I was thinking because all [00:50:25] my friends joke and all of my psychotherapist friends are like, you definitely have ADHD, you definitely have it. You [00:50:30] definitely have it. And then I said to my partner, I was like, I think I’m going to get tested just to see if I have it. And he was [00:50:35] like, well, you’re not taking medication. And I was like, I just want to get tested. But like, [00:50:40] I feel like because, like, he’s like also like of that old school mentality, like you said, where he’s [00:50:45] like medication, like means there’s something wrong. And I’m like, there is just such a stigma to it. And I [00:50:50] think people think that you can really like, control every element of your brain, whereas [00:50:55] I think that you need to recognise medication can behave as a Band-Aid. [00:51:00] But sometimes a Band-Aid is necessary to get better or to help you do the things [00:51:05] that you need to do. It’s the same with antidepressants, right? You know, a friend of mine, she’d [00:51:10] had avoided antidepressants for a really, really long time, and there were days where she literally couldn’t get out of bed [00:51:15] because she was so depressed and she just spent all day crying. Her boyfriend convinced [00:51:20] her to go on antidepressants because he was really like, oh, stay with it. And she said to me, [00:51:25] I saw her last week. She goes, it’s life changing. She’s like, I know it’s a Band-Aid because I know you need to sort out the [00:51:30] root cause of my depression. She was like, but now I can function in the day and I can do stuff. And I think like [00:51:35] that, just like really sort of stuck with me. Yeah, I.
Amber Rose Gill: Think that probably antidepressants can [00:51:40] be looked on as a Band-Aid, but for ADHD medication, I like to think of it as more like a balance, like [00:51:45] I’m being balanced.
Payman Langroudi: But for the rest of your life or.
Amber Rose Gill: Um, I haven’t [00:51:50] I haven’t come to like a decision on that. I’ll make the decision to say.
Payman Langroudi: Is he saying that’s the kind [00:51:55] of.
Amber Rose Gill: Thing you can if you decide? Yeah, if you decide to, you can. But I’ll [00:52:00] I’ve been off it for a week before and I’ve been fine. So [00:52:05] it’s not it’s not something that I’m like particularly worried about. But [00:52:10] I think with medication stigma like why would you not like the way [00:52:15] that the world is, why would you not want people to be harmonious in their life? Like, I want things to be harmonious, like [00:52:20] I don’t want people to be crying in the middle of salvages because I don’t want [00:52:25] to take medication like I want everyone to be happy. Happy. I don’t want to see people [00:52:30] having breakdowns. I want everyone to be on a nice level and have balance. So if you feel a type of way, [00:52:35] take, take thing, I think.
Payman Langroudi: I think there’s a feeling that doctors are over prescribing these things. Yeah. [00:52:40]
[Transition]: I think so.
Rhona Eskander: In America I think so.
Payman Langroudi: I have that, you know, the stigma you’re talking about. I have that [00:52:45] stigma when a friend’s kid, they’re putting them on medication for ADHD. [00:52:50] I kind of like, I don’t give the kid drugs, you know. Yeah. And even that might probably incorrect. [00:52:55] Right. But but I do have that feeling for a child, you know, giving [00:53:00] them and this feeling of overprescription.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah, yeah. But I just want to say I’m going to throw a spanner into the work because [00:53:05] whilst both of you are speaking, the thing that strikes me the most is like we are [00:53:10] inherently describing a problem within society because society [00:53:15] is phones and social media and all this stuff is making a child [00:53:20] more towards their ADHD tendencies. Somebody having a breakdown and Selfridges, [00:53:25] because of whatever reason, is probably because of like their environmental or societal [00:53:30] impact. And I think like that is such a hard thing because it is kind of like without your control [00:53:35] and I hear what you’re saying, but like, people now need to survive in this world that we’ve created, [00:53:40] and it’s not necessarily a harmonious, happy world we have created around us.
Payman Langroudi: Used to have [00:53:45] it when you were nine years old, when there weren’t any social media.
Rhona Eskander: No, actually, in hindsight, like, [00:53:50] look, I always think I was different as a child. Like I’m beside like, I think I was different, but I think [00:53:55] like the ability to like go out and play like in the grass and like be in like a different sort [00:54:00] of environment is somewhat, you know, like help me, you know, keep me on [00:54:05] that. Like kept me, keep me on that, like level of being happier than unhappier.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. Yeah. [00:54:10] Um, I do think it’s a societal thing. And I think the way that exactly what you’re saying, the way that [00:54:15] we’ve built things up, it probably is. Overprescribed. I think both things [00:54:20] are true, but I think it’s a big issue. I think for me, regardless, because, [00:54:25] you know, I was struggling pre-social media age, I think I’d be on medication, like, no [00:54:30] matter. But for a lot of people, and especially children as well, I think that it’s something [00:54:35] that could be, you know, if we’re got out in the sun more because I, you know, [00:54:40] I do hate when doctors like, have you had a cup of tea, have you had a bath if you exercise and it’s like, piss off. Like, yeah, I [00:54:45] have, I have it’s not working. But if it actually did more of those things that would need to do [00:54:50] in order to be a well functioning human being, it would lessen, it would lessen. But [00:54:55] people don’t want to do that. But you know what it’s like.
Rhona Eskander: It’s it’s really it’s really like upsetting because in a way, [00:55:00] I know that when I wake up in the morning, if the first thing I grab is my phone, of course my anxiety [00:55:05] is going to get worse because I’m going to get like an email from work or like a disgruntled [00:55:10] colleague or like a comment on social media. But I still reach out for my phone and like, my partner’s like, [00:55:15] don’t do that. He’s like, literally have like the first 20 minutes without looking at your phone at all, like, [00:55:20] go wash your face. Like brush your teeth so hard. Exactly. It’s so it’s [00:55:25] actually go to uh, um, no, actually WhatsApp because I checked work stuff. Yeah, yeah. Work [00:55:30] stuff, doctor. And you need to stop that. But also not.
Amber Rose Gill: Too. It’s really good not to. [00:55:35] I mean, I still grab my phone, I try, I try not to for a little while, but I still [00:55:40] grab my phone. But the app that I opened, headspace.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah, I love that. I actually downloaded headway [00:55:45] as well. I don’t know if you’ve heard of headway. Yeah, so headway you put down like what things you’re interested. [00:55:50]
Payman Langroudi: In your phone.
Rhona Eskander: Next to. You know I’m not allowed to see. Now I have to put it in the room next door. And that’s [00:55:55] a good. Yeah. And that’s really good. And yeah, I know and but the thing is, how was the first thing. [00:56:00]
Amber Rose Gill: That you grab your phone. So I get, I go to the room.
Rhona Eskander: Next door and I grab my phone. No that’s ridiculous. Yeah it’s ridiculous. Yeah. [00:56:05] No, but I’ll tell I’ll tell you what it is though, like my happiest place. I think I saw you just after [00:56:10] I got back from Costa Rica, and I just, I think, you know, we had a drink at the electric Daisy, [00:56:15] remember? And Amber reached out because she was like, I saw you were really sad on social media and stuff. And I was like, [00:56:20] look, I’ve like, had a really tough time and I just come back off this retreat and like, the retreat for me was like being in [00:56:25] a jungle and being with what I believe humanity [00:56:30] is about, like it’s a group of people that create a retreat, but they live in this retreat [00:56:35] and they’re people that create it that like, just like us. And they’re like, do you know what? Fuck it. I’m leaving this life [00:56:40] behind. And they create a community. And then like, they do things that you know are good, like they live [00:56:45] with nature, they live with animals, they don’t really have phones, etc. they cultivate things. [00:56:50] They grow their like food and they cook it together. They do breathwork. Do you see me? They do community activities. [00:56:55] They can like go out and work with the local community and like, yeah, yeah, like sure, I’m sure [00:57:00] they have like internal problems. But I’m like, they’re going back to like the basic roots of why we’re put on [00:57:05] this earth. And it’s like connection community, like that’s I think what’s so important it’s been left behind. [00:57:10]
Amber Rose Gill: We’re so far removed from that. And it scares me because I think how we’re so far [00:57:15] away from what was supposed to be doing. Yeah. What do you mean, a mortgage? What was supposed to pick fruit off trees [00:57:20] and just walk around and be happy? Yeah, and I’ve got bills. Like what? Who decided [00:57:25] that? Like why? I don’t get it. I hate it, but this is why I do things like Kilimanjaro. [00:57:30] I just got back about two weeks ago, and I always do those things because I think [00:57:35] it’s just nice to remove yourself. Like London’s a different it’s just. Yeah, London’s. [00:57:40] London’s crazy. Like, as much as I love it, you just so far removed [00:57:45] from like the essence I think of what humanity is. And I think when you do things like Kilimanjaro, you [00:57:50] reconnect with it, you know, because they’re sort of, you know, the way that the people, [00:57:55] the locals love that mountain because it obviously brings them money and everything. [00:58:00] The way that the look after the whole place is just yeah, you respect it so much [00:58:05] because people don’t respect it. Yet. Like the Serengeti, I did a safari in the Serengeti. The [00:58:10] way that the people respect the animals as well. They respect them so much, you know, [00:58:15] they won’t bother you if you won’t bother them. We’ll live amongst them. And it’s. It’s harmonious.
Rhona Eskander: And [00:58:20] we don’t even respect each other in even respect. People don’t even respect each other, let alone [00:58:25] like, I mean, we don’t, you know, let alone like nature and our environment and things like that. And I [00:58:30] think like that’s been such a disconnect. Maybe that is like.
Amber Rose Gill: A huge disconnect.
Rhona Eskander: Like, you know, ADHD [00:58:35] people I think probably are more affected. And like, I get really emotional about [00:58:40] things like of the environment and animals and things like that, you know, because. I just feel like such [00:58:45] a disconnect cause I’m like this. I feel like everything is like one and sort of like Kilimanjaro. Yeah. [00:58:50] No, I think I think I will be good because we we. I’ve climbed like the volcano and like Guatemala [00:58:55] and I’ve done, like, all these different like, I love trekking and I’ve done all these different things like Machu Picchu [00:59:00] and Peru, because I feel like I’m so much more connected. And like you said, there’s something like about our [00:59:05] ancestors, you know, that really makes you feel like, you know, that kind of closeness. [00:59:10] Um, do you feel now that you are living in alignment [00:59:15] with your true authentic self?
Amber Rose Gill: Yes and no [00:59:20] because again, mortgage. I can’t get on board with it. Why? Why do you do that? I [00:59:25] don’t want that. I don’t want it. But you don’t want.
Rhona Eskander: You don’t have to do it.
Amber Rose Gill: No, you don’t have [00:59:30] to. But I want to. You know? I still want to. This is the problem. It’s like it’s a big circle. [00:59:35] I also want to have a good time. I’m not going to, you know, sit and be like, who in the field with nothing. Yeah. [00:59:40] So I have to get on board with the rat race. Yeah, I have to, because I want to have a good life. Yeah, I like flying [00:59:45] business class. I do like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I’m gonna have to make money. I’m gonna have to have a mortgage, so I have [00:59:50] to be part of it. But I don’t feel like that’s an alignment with my true self. But, you [00:59:55] know, in order to be in alignment, you probably do have to have a level of freedom as well. So you need [01:00:00] to be part of that in order to be part of your authentic self. Because, you know, if I want to take a day off, [01:00:05] people can’t take it. People can’t take a day off. If I want to take a day off and go on a retreat, I can’t do that. But [01:00:10] because I’m part of that, I can’t do that. So it’s just it’s a big circle of like, viciousness. [01:00:15] Yeah, I kind of win. So yeah, if you can’t beat them, join them.
Payman Langroudi: Now. What did you daily have to [01:00:20] do.
Amber Rose Gill: You said come on podcasts. You know, I um [01:00:25] brand deals presenting.
[Transition]: Yeah.
Amber Rose Gill: So like brand ambassadorships. So that means [01:00:30] that I turn up to events, I go on brand trips, I post content for them, [01:00:35] like using their products, promoting their products. I write, I’ve written my first book, amazing [01:00:40] 2022. Second book is coming out. Second book. Yeah. [01:00:45] Congrats again. The scientist for another one. Yeah. Amazing. What’s the.
Rhona Eskander: Content?
Amber Rose Gill: Um, it’s [01:00:50] romance novel. So whilst I was in school. Oh, God. Yeah, well, it was so. Did you [01:00:55] not know this? God, you need one? Yeah, you both can have one. He’s [01:01:00] a.
Payman Langroudi: Ghost-writer.
Amber Rose Gill: So. No, we don’t call it a ghost-writer. We call it a co-author. [01:01:05] Because when I went into the Harpercollins offices that they’re my publisher, when I went [01:01:10] into their offices, I was like, this sounds like a big job. And when you’ve got a platform, [01:01:15] you’ve got to do things right. I can’t be doing, you know, writing just willy [01:01:20] nilly, whatever I want. It’s got to be a good thing that people want to buy [01:01:25] and love to read. And I don’t know if I can do that. Sounds too scary for [01:01:30] me. I was always interested in English. I was going to do English at uni for my A-levels. [01:01:35] I did both English Literature and English language, so it was always a sector that I was like obsessed with, but I never [01:01:40] thought I was good enough to write something. And so they were like, no, no, don’t worry, [01:01:45] we’ll try to match you with a co-author so that you’ve got a sort of handhold [01:01:50] and someone that is published several times so that they know what they’re doing, they know [01:01:55] how things should sound, what would work, what’s not going to work. And you can sort of work collaboratively. [01:02:00] So it’s not like I go, yeah, yeah, just write whatever you want and I’ll go, this [01:02:05] is my book. Get it? It’s because it’s got my name on it. It’s not like that. It’s way more like I’m very [01:02:10] much in the process as well. I’m there with them, but it’s just I needed that because. [01:02:15] Can you imagine? Just. I’ve got 2 million people. And if it’s bad. Yeah. [01:02:20] I’m not sitting in my room in the dark again, so she better help me make sure it’s good, because [01:02:25] I’m not doing that again. I’m not. It’s got to be a bit. It’s got to be a bestseller.
[Transition]: And [01:02:30] my my.
Rhona Eskander: Question for you as well is, is that knowing what you know now [01:02:35] and living through what you have lived through with Love Island, if you do it again.
Amber Rose Gill: Do [01:02:40] it in what context?
[Transition]: I think.
Payman Langroudi: Seems like. Would [01:02:45] you do Love Island again?
[Transition]: Like in what?
Payman Langroudi: In what context you were? If you were the the beauty [01:02:50] therapist and if you.
Rhona Eskander: Were the 100%. Without a doubt.
Amber Rose Gill: Without a doubt. Okay. But now ask me if I would do it again.
Rhona Eskander: Now. [01:02:55] Now, I don’t think you would know.
Amber Rose Gill: Well, I got yeah, exactly.
Rhona Eskander: A lot of people went back, you know, there was like a reunion [01:03:00] type sort of show. And then I think. But I think that’s because you’ve become such a figure [01:03:05] in your own right. You don’t need to. Does that make sense? Like, I feel like the people that went back in [01:03:10] perhaps felt that that was so intrinsically tied to their success, they needed [01:03:15] that boost again, you know, I mean, I think that’s a very dangerous path because you’re [01:03:20] linking your identity to something that’s out of your control in a way, you know, because [01:03:25] you’re like, oh, I have to go on to get that boost again. I think some.
Amber Rose Gill: People wanted a redemption as well. Yeah. You know, [01:03:30] some people feel cheated by an edit or they didn’t last as long as they thought they should have. [01:03:35] People didn’t. Public opinion wasn’t great. And so they’re going again to see if they can [01:03:40] change the narrative. Yeah.
Payman Langroudi: Do you find that it was sometimes misleading?
[Transition]: No, [01:03:45] no, I think.
Amber Rose Gill: People use that as an excuse really I do, I do now I can [01:03:50] see because I’ve got a short hour at the minute that’s on E4. Yes.
Rhona Eskander: And it’s with a load of very well [01:03:55] known people too.
[Transition]: Yeah. What’s it called?
Amber Rose Gill: It’s called Joshua Swain. It’s chaos if you’re not into reality TV. I don’t [01:04:00] know if I like.
[Transition]: I like reality.
Amber Rose Gill: I do. So this is crazy. There’s basically a guy [01:04:05] called Josh and he’s an underdog. So not the type of people that you would see on [01:04:10] Love Island. And it’s like a social experiment to see if we could make him win the show in May. [01:04:15] And three other people on a panel are trying to make it so he wins. So [01:04:20] yeah.
Rhona Eskander: Him.
Amber Rose Gill: You know, he doesn’t know. We’ve got to do things behind us as if we’re producers. So [01:04:25] we’re like producers of Love Island, putting everything a certain way so that he looks [01:04:30] really good.
[Transition]: And so that he richer. Yeah.
Amber Rose Gill: It is like a true image. It’s exactly like that. So that’s on at [01:04:35] the minute. And I can see that it’s doing really well. Everyone’s obsessed with it. So the first [01:04:40] three episodes are out on streaming platforms already. And then I think there’s there’s 8 or 12. [01:04:45] I think there’s eight episodes altogether. So yeah, it’s only three in, so we’re not [01:04:50] far. So you’ve got time to catch up. Yeah, it’s really fun. It is funny, but Amber.
Rhona Eskander: You’ve done loads because [01:04:55] I think like what I think is fascinating about you is like, clearly the media know [01:05:00] that you’re special because you’ve been asked to do loads of other TV stuff because you and Kem did something on [01:05:05] Metal Dad, remember? Yeah. So Kem was another winner one other year. So they did a whole thing on mental [01:05:10] health, which was amazing. You know, I watched that You’ve got this now, which I think is great because I feel like your TV [01:05:15] opportunities have still like are still there.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. And I don’t take everything as well. [01:05:20] You know, I’ve been asked to do the sort of Celebs Go Dating and Ex on the Beach, and I just never really been [01:05:25] my thing. I think me on Celebs Go Dating would be great television because I’m terrible at dating, but I don’t want to do [01:05:30] it. I just don’t want to do it. Yeah. But yeah, in terms of the edit. So like editing of shows and [01:05:35] stuff, I can see with that show how certain things are clipped together. I don’t think that it’s not a good representation of [01:05:40] what’s happening. It still is. But like because this shows two houses together. So [01:05:45] we’re seeing the house that Josh is in and where I am and how it’s been clipped together. I can sort [01:05:50] of see how the editing is done in a certain way, but I still think it’s exactly what I said. [01:05:55] And I think with Love Island, everything that I said was what I said, and I don’t think [01:06:00] anything was misleading. I know I can’t speak for everyone is important. [01:06:05]
Rhona Eskander: That’s the one thing I’ll disagree with you on because context is important. You know, it’s like [01:06:10] if you say like, I don’t know, like. Yeah. Rona didn’t look [01:06:15] good in that dress. I just think that she’s like, you know, got a beautiful body, but she, like, looks [01:06:20] better in, like, a black dress. But then they edited it to say, I don’t think Rona looks good in the dress, like it’s the context. [01:06:25] Do you see what I mean? And then like, it’s the sentence you said it in. So I think that maybe, I’m [01:06:30] guessing I might be wrong. It’s like they will cut out bits that actually, like form the whole sentence, [01:06:35] I think, to a.
Amber Rose Gill: Degree, but I think the show would look really disjointed if that was happening every single [01:06:40] time. So I think when people say that they all being over the top, you.
[Transition]: Know, there was another.
Payman Langroudi: Thing. Your energy [01:06:45] is just so like good. Yeah.
Rhona Eskander: Energetic.
Payman Langroudi: No, no. It’s just goodness [01:06:50] comes out. It’s just obvious. You know, you’re thoughtful, but not everyone’s energy is that. [01:06:55] Yeah.
[Transition]: Yeah.
Payman Langroudi: And some people will say things that are, that are not necessarily coming [01:07:00] from like you were saying heart. Yeah. Yeah. From the right place. Yeah. And then it’s easy to edit those people into even [01:07:05] a worse. Well did other people, did you think other people were.
[Transition]: Well no.
Amber Rose Gill: Although [01:07:10] I’ve got good energy. I do say bad things a lot of the.
[Transition]: Time I.
Amber Rose Gill: See a lot of bad things. You know, I called someone [01:07:15] a knob on the show.
Rhona Eskander: That’s not bad.
Amber Rose Gill: She was being a knob, though, like, you know, we’re friends now, but she [01:07:20] was being a knob at the time, and that’s what I said. But I said some guy because it’s actually really interesting. [01:07:25] I wasn’t well liked in the beginning of the show. Really? Yeah. So I think if anyone can talk about it, I [01:07:30] really can’t talk about another because at the beginning I was not liked at all because, [01:07:35] you know, I say what I want, I probably say things that are a bit on the nose for some people. [01:07:40] You know, I was 21 and this guy came in and he was 28. I said, oh, that’s a bit old, isn’t it? Because for me it was [01:07:45] seven years older than me. That’s a bit old for me. Yeah. But I said that everyone was like, how dare she [01:07:50] say that? He’s always crazy. And then he said, do I suit these sunglasses? And [01:07:55] I the shape wasn’t right for his face. I didn’t think so. And I said, I don’t I don’t think that you do suit the sunglasses. And everyone was up in [01:08:00] arms about that. I’m like, what do you want to lie like? He didn’t suit the sunglasses. And I was like, oh, I think I suit. I’ve got the type [01:08:05] of face that suits all sunglasses. And I was like, oh, she loves herself. She thinks she’s great. I’m like, no, I just have a face that suits all [01:08:10] types of sunglasses. Yeah. But yeah, so I do get the whole editing thing because in those situations [01:08:15] I’m probably quite like a dry person. And I was like, God, you’re old. And then I laughed [01:08:20] after. But they didn’t put the laugh in, so everyone probably thought I was a bit of a dick. But I think [01:08:25] it’s funny that they didn’t put the laughing, because how funny is that? That someone just went, God, you’re old.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah, but I didn’t [01:08:30] laugh. But I just love it because I just feel like. And that’s why people love you so much is because you do keep [01:08:35] it real and like, you just know who you are. Like you say it with, like, such, like [01:08:40] confidence. Do you know what I mean?
Payman Langroudi: I think it’s super impressive. Five years after a reality show to still be relevant. [01:08:45]
Rhona Eskander: Exactly.
[Transition]: Yeah. Often.
Payman Langroudi: Often it’s a blip, isn’t it? And then it’s.
Rhona Eskander: And that’s why some people.
Amber Rose Gill: Some [01:08:50] people say I’m not though.
Rhona Eskander: Some people say I’m very. Ah.
Payman Langroudi: The question is this have you thought [01:08:55] that you need to do something like a business, something that isn’t related to your fame [01:09:00] on TV, but, you know, to to give it longevity, to give, to [01:09:05] give this for want of a better sentence. Business class flights. Right. [01:09:10]
[Transition]: That’s one.
Payman Langroudi: Longevity. Yeah.
Rhona Eskander: Um, but you’re [01:09:15] making good business decisions now. Like buying a house. You know, it’s an investment. You see what I mean?
[Transition]: Like [01:09:20] like buying a house. Yeah.
Amber Rose Gill: So I’ve got a property company. Oh. Do you? Yeah. Um, [01:09:25] so I buy. I like to buy new builds or off plan new builds. Either sell them and, [01:09:30] you know, because when they’re on completion, they’ll make more money or lease them out. So [01:09:35] that’s one thing that’s there. I do investments as well. I’ve got like an investment, [01:09:40] not crypto. No, I can’t get my head around it I can’t, I can’t I don’t understand.
Rhona Eskander: Yeah me. [01:09:45]
Amber Rose Gill: Too, but I need to understand the details.
Rhona Eskander: Of that stuff. I’m like.
Amber Rose Gill: What do you mean.
Rhona Eskander: No? My head hurts.
Amber Rose Gill: It doesn’t [01:09:50] make sense to me, so I just can’t, I can’t I have to understand it to get on board. And I just don’t get that. [01:09:55] So I do those types of things. But in terms of a business, it’s something that I’m thinking about now because [01:10:00] I think in the beginning, you know, it probably would have been a better idea to do [01:10:05] it when I first got off the show because, God, I could have made a shit ton of money. I could have made loads, but [01:10:10] that wasn’t the right thing for me then, and I don’t think I would have done a good job. Yeah, some people did do [01:10:15] that and they made loads of money and I’m happy for them. But I don’t think that was the right time for me at all. I think I needed [01:10:20] to survive.
Payman Langroudi: The Rona before. Before you used to represent a bunch [01:10:25] of toothpaste companies. You did a lot of work for us. Yeah, yeah. And then at one point [01:10:30] she she decided, well, why don’t I just do my own? Yeah, yeah. And, you know, fingers [01:10:35] crossed. So that it’s a bit like that, isn’t it. Yeah. You do. You could have [01:10:40] done your own line of something.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah you could, but I think that that’s something that I’m looking into now. [01:10:45] So one of my really big interests is swimwear. And it’s because I think that there’s a gap [01:10:50] because they’re either £200, you can’t go in the sea with them. [01:10:55] You wear them once and they’re a different colour. They’re really poor fabric. Just everything’s [01:11:00] not good. You know, we buy in bikinis for £8 or £200. There’s nothing in the middle that’s good quality. So [01:11:05] I really want to do that. But that’s more like a passion project than like cash cow. What can I make the most money from? [01:11:10] That’s more like, no, I think that this is a good idea. And this is. What I want. So I’m going to make it small [01:11:15] and hopefully make it bigger in the future if it works. But I don’t think that was the right thing [01:11:20] for me. Then a lot of people did. They brought out, you know, sort of makeup palette [01:11:25] or fake tan or you’ve got to do.
Rhona Eskander: Things that are aligned with you, I think. Was it your Payman that told [01:11:30] me about Matthew McConaughey story? Is it so Matthew McConaughey said as well that like one [01:11:35] time he got given a movie script and he was so done with like doing rom coms because he’d always been put in [01:11:40] this, like rom com box, you know, with like how to lose a guy in ten days and stuff. And he knew that he was an incredible [01:11:45] actor, but no one was giving him the chance. And the money was really good in rom coms. So someone like gave him a [01:11:50] script and they, like, offered him millions of pounds, millions of dollars. And he was like, no. And they [01:11:55] like, doubled it. And they were like, now will you do it? And he was like, no. And then he was just like, the thing is, [01:12:00] is that they couldn’t buy me. And he turned it down because he knew, like, the more and more he tried, [01:12:05] he did these roles. And, you know, he was asked like, did you regret it? And he just said, like, look, I didn’t [01:12:10] regret it. And at the end of the day, then he ended up doing roles that were more aligned to what he wanted to do [01:12:15] with, and he got paid less. And but he eventually got built up. And the point is, is like a lot of people, and [01:12:20] especially people that come out of Love Island, I’ll see them promote some, like flipping £2 air freshener, [01:12:25] like, you know what I mean? Like collab deal. And I’m like, is this really aligned with who you are? And then people [01:12:30] start to question it. Like on now you’re like under scrutiny. People are like, but why are you actually promoting [01:12:35] this? Do you actually believe in it? And I think like you’ve been really good and like you said, you could have done all the stuff, [01:12:40] the fake tan and everything, but you knew wasn’t aligned with who you are.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. And I just don’t think I was equipped [01:12:45] to build a business at that age. I wasn’t. And I know I could have, you know, had everyone [01:12:50] do everything for me, but I, I when I do things, I like to do things myself. I [01:12:55] don’t want everyone to do everything around us. And so that just wasn’t the right thing. But in [01:13:00] terms of the car, air fresheners could never be me and I never did that. But I did make some mistakes where I think, well, [01:13:05] why did I do that? Why did I do that? But I also think everything in life is like [01:13:10] you. You just learn yourself 100%. You know, you learn like you have to make you make that mistake. [01:13:15] And then now, you know.
Payman Langroudi: Still so young.
Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And even though.
Rhona Eskander: You think 26 is old now. No, [01:13:20] no, I, I’m joking.
Amber Rose Gill: I feel like when I was 21 I thought I was so old. Now [01:13:25] I’m 26, I feel so young. I’m like, God I’m so young. There’s plenty of time to [01:13:30] do, like whatever I want to do. And so yeah, yeah, there is.
Rhona Eskander: And I think the world is your oyster. [01:13:35] Well, I’m like so happy and so inspired having you on. But I think you really [01:13:40] such an incredible woman. And like I really appreciate you coming on and just to show you as well, like, no matter [01:13:45] how big or small your audience is, Amber always shows up, you know, and to like even [01:13:50] today, you know, I know a lot of people are going to be so excited and it’s like a smaller audience, but they’re going to absolutely [01:13:55] love listening to you. So thank you so much, and we look forward to the second book, signed copies.
[Transition]: Yeah, [01:14:00] you can have the.
Amber Rose Gill: First book signed.
Rhona Eskander: Copies. Love it. Okay, I’m the other.
Payman Langroudi: Compliment to both [01:14:05] of you. Beautiful smile as well.
[Transition]: Oh, thank you so much. Okay.
Rhona Eskander: Thank you. Bye.