Rhona Eskander: And I think we have failed. And I think that we’re not getting any better. Like we’re not getting better as a society. [00:00:05] Like like we keep saying like, be kind when someone’s killed themselves. Caroline Flack, [00:00:10] you know, is like perfect example. And I just find that really heartbreaking. It’s always like in hindsight, oh, [00:00:15] be kind. I mean, in the Dental arena, like Dental trolls are the worst as it’s like forums of like dentists, like slating [00:00:20] other dentists and stuff. And I just find it so crazy. But like you said, people be like, well, you have followers, [00:00:25] you have this, you have that. There’s nothing to be upset about. And it’s like actually the pressure [00:00:30] becomes more, you know, and I think like, you know, we should definitely have more empathy for that.

[VOICE]: This [00:00:40] is mind movers. [00:00:45] Moving the conversation forward on mental health and optimisation [00:00:50] for dental professionals. Your hosts Rhona [00:00:55] Eskander and Payman Langroudi.

Rhona Eskander: Welcome [00:01:00] to another episode of Mind Movers. I’m looking at this absolute queen in front of me. [00:01:05] Amber is an amazing human being. Okay, so I want to talk about the fact [00:01:10] that I first met her through Doctor Esho. Actually, no, it wasn’t doctor, it was Lenny. But you had [00:01:15] been going to Doctor Esho anyways back in the day. Yeah, yeah, and I had met her because I was like, I’d [00:01:20] love to get my hands on her teeth. We did a smile makeover and look at her beaming. [00:01:25] And then we ended up becoming friends. And I’m just so honoured to have her in my life [00:01:30] because she is one of the most special human beings. That’s so nice. I know it’s it’s [00:01:35] true, it’s true. And I think one of the most real and authentic people that you’ll, you know, I’ve ever had [00:01:40] the pleasure of meeting. You often meet people, you know, they say like, never meet your hero because it’s such a disappointment. [00:01:45] But Amber is like, what you see is what you get. She’s real, she’s authentic. And it’s been [00:01:50] such a pleasure to get to know. You want to cry? Yeah. Sorry, sorry. This is making us want to cry. [00:01:55] You know, honestly, I mean it.

Rhona Eskander: And I think one of the most important things that happened in my [00:02:00] life for me was that she trusted me with her mum, actually. And for me, that’s such a privilege to, like, treat [00:02:05] someone’s family member. And her mum had been having Invisalign for like eight years. Can you like, deal like [00:02:10] like six years something crazy and still wasn’t happy. And obviously we ended up doing some treatments, so [00:02:15] that was really great. So that’s how I met Amber. So most of you will know Amber [00:02:20] from the TV programme Love Island, but she is so much more than that programme and I think that I’m really proud [00:02:25] to have been watching her journey, because Amber can correct me if I’m wrong, but I think one [00:02:30] of the most difficult things about coming out of a reality TV programme is to have a persona [00:02:35] and an identity outside of that programme, and that takes a lot of courage [00:02:40] and somewhat some kind of like reinvention in a way. And I feel like you’ve done a really good job because [00:02:45] people have bought into you as a human being, you know, not as somebody that was just like reality TV [00:02:50] show. So welcome, Amber. Thank you. That was the.

Amber Rose Gill: Best intro I’ve ever had. Really? Yeah, I [00:02:55] love it.

Rhona Eskander: I’m going to take note of that. Okay. So I want to start a little bit from the beginning because [00:03:00] I love to know the person that you were as a child, a teenager, etc.. So do you want to tell us a little bit about [00:03:05] your background where you grew up?

Amber Rose Gill: And so I [00:03:10] grew up in Newcastle. Have you ever been to Newcastle? Yeah, lots of times. Just a small city. Like, I [00:03:15] love.

Rhona Eskander: The way you single him out. Yeah.

Amber Rose Gill: No, no. I’m like, I just don’t know. Have you ever been into. Yeah. Lots of things. [00:03:20] Yeah. It’s nice. It’s all right. Yeah. But it’s a very like it’s a much smaller city than London. [00:03:25] Um, it’s a predominantly white area as well. And [00:03:30] yeah, I grew up with my mum and dad together, and my brother [00:03:35] lived with us for a period of time as well, and that was my life. And I was very I [00:03:40] was a very sure of myself, child, and especially in a teenage years, I had [00:03:45] strong opinions, I had a certain personality, and I was not changing for [00:03:50] anyone ever. Like I just was very and I don’t know where I come from because neither of my [00:03:55] parents are really like that, and I wasn’t really around anyone like that. So I don’t know where I adopted this mentality, [00:04:00] where I was very sure of myself. And I would say things that probably other people wouldn’t. [00:04:05] But yeah. So let me ask.

Rhona Eskander: You something as well. Like obviously Newcastle is very different to London. [00:04:10] Mhm. Um, certainly when I was growing up I know I’m older [00:04:15] than you, but when I was growing up it was difficult actually being from a middle eastern background at [00:04:20] school, for example, that was, you know, very white. Did you ever experience any [00:04:25] kind of race issues, you know, because, you know, your parents obviously come from mixed [00:04:30] race background.

Amber Rose Gill: Mhm. It’s easy to say looking back now, I did, but at the time I don’t [00:04:35] think I realised because you know, being mixed race and being of a lighter skin tone as well, [00:04:40] it makes me blend in a little bit easier. Like people would not look [00:04:45] at me as a massive target because, you know, I’ve just got a bit of a tan rather than being completely darker. So I do think [00:04:50] that I had a privilege in that sense, to sort of blend in. And with having one white [00:04:55] parent, I could kind of understand, you know, the way that would go on in [00:05:00] Newcastle, the way that things are meant to be. But upon reflection, [00:05:05] there was definitely microaggressions. I wouldn’t say full on, like bad things, [00:05:10] but just microaggressions, like getting the right results but still being put in a bottom set, [00:05:15] being looked at is naughty all the time, regardless sort of being singled [00:05:20] out in certain ways. That was all definitely happening, but I just, I think [00:05:25] because I had the personality that I had, I come to understand that that was just that. And I didn’t [00:05:30] really think of that. I didn’t really think it was, you know, to do with my background at all, [00:05:35] because I didn’t know anyone else, really. So, like, I didn’t it’s just my experience [00:05:40] on my own. What did you.

Rhona Eskander: Feel that like you identified with more as being? Because growing up I tried very hard [00:05:45] to be like white English, but then when I grew older, I was like, I’m very Middle Eastern and I identify with being [00:05:50] Lebanese and I identify with being Egyptian. Yeah. Whereas like when I was in my teens and 20s, I was like, I don’t [00:05:55] identify with being Middle Eastern. I identify as being as like an English person. And I never was. Do you see what I mean? So what [00:06:00] do you feel like coming from the background that you did that you identified more with?

Amber Rose Gill: Um, I think naturally [00:06:05] I identified more as white when I was younger, but definitely more in like teenage [00:06:10] years, I think, because Caribbean mentality is [00:06:15] very similar to my personality. So I kind of was like, okay, I understand I’m [00:06:20] like this because where I come from, people are exactly the same. You know, they’re very direct. They’re not bothered [00:06:25] if, you know they hurt your feelings, they’d rather tell you the truth and be honest. And that’s very Caribbean. [00:06:30] And so yeah, I felt really connected to that. But it’s funny, you know, [00:06:35] I got a comment on TikTok because I said something about being from Trinidad and Tobago because that’s part [00:06:40] of my heritage. And someone was like, what? You think that you’re not this way just because [00:06:45] your grandma was born there? So they think that I shouldn’t identify as, you know, Caribbean [00:06:50] or think or be proud of being from Trinidad and Tobago because my grandma is from there. And I find [00:06:55] that really interesting because, like I was I was brought up in a Caribbean household and I had my [00:07:00] Caribbean family, like I was very close to them. So why would I not also identify [00:07:05] with that side of my family? Like very strange. That was just yesterday. I was like, oh, [00:07:10] that’s a funny comment.

Rhona Eskander: I think that people on social media just have such like strong opinions, and I think [00:07:15] that they’re always like going to try and say something, especially on TikTok, as you said, because people [00:07:20] you say something like, I like the colour pink and people are like, why are you discriminating against blue? [00:07:25] Yeah, you know what I mean? Because then people are very difficult when it comes to that.

Payman Langroudi: You can’t bother yourself [00:07:30] with comments on social.

Rhona Eskander: No no no no. But and.

Amber Rose Gill: I don’t but I [00:07:35] just thought that.

Payman Langroudi: Like particular.

Amber Rose Gill: Comment. Yeah I just thought it was interesting. It’s not that it got to us, but I do [00:07:40] think that it’s a mentality a lot of people have. So because I’ve got a British passport, nationality [00:07:45] is British, I was brought up in Newcastle, therefore I’m not [00:07:50] Caribbean at all.

Rhona Eskander: That’s I understand I hear what you’re saying.

Payman Langroudi: The opposite is the problem [00:07:55] where people think you’re not British at all because there’s something in you that isn’t British. [00:08:00] Right.

Amber Rose Gill: So. Well, I do think it depends on the person. Yeah. So [00:08:05] I think a lot of people have that problem, but my problem is actually the opposite. It’s very much the [00:08:10] opposite. It’s so weird.

Rhona Eskander: I think that that’s like a really valid thing. Right. Because I think [00:08:15] particularly in London and I guess like Britain as a whole, we’re lucky because there’s so many different cultures [00:08:20] and like lots of us will hold the British passport, but look at us like three in a room. You’re [00:08:25] Iranian, have a British passport. You come from Trinidad Tobago, you know you’ve got a British [00:08:30] passport. I’m Lebanese, Egyptian, got a British passport. Do you see what I mean? You know, and then there is [00:08:35] a little bit of like an identity crisis because you’re like, I don’t feel English, but I feel British. Do you see what I mean? [00:08:40] And so, like, I think, you know, that that’s always going to be an interesting conversation. Okay. So you were always [00:08:45] confident, loud like assertive child. [00:08:50] And what was your relationship like with your parents and your brother?

Amber Rose Gill: Really nice. Like [00:08:55] I had a nice childhood.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah.

Amber Rose Gill: It was nice. I mean, yeah, there’s problems, but I’m. That’s [00:09:00] for another time and another conversation. Yeah, that’s with my therapist. Tell me about that. Um, [00:09:05] but yeah. No, I got on with my brother. Really? Well, we both went to the same high school, [00:09:10] and I was having a fun time.

Rhona Eskander: And when you reach like teenage [00:09:15] Hood, was that when you recognised that you wanted to do something within the public space and, you know, become. [00:09:20] No, not at all. So tell us, talk us through that.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. I’m not very [00:09:25] I would never like, sort of act. Well, no, you never say never about things. Maybe in a couple of years I might want to act. [00:09:30] But I was never quite like. Although I had a strong personality, I did have aspects of, like, [00:09:35] not wanting to be the centre of attention. I didn’t like that. My family is very much [00:09:40] like that. They’re very musical theatre, want to perform on stage. And I was just I just wasn’t really like [00:09:45] that. I always had the like, thought in my head that [00:09:50] I would probably be in the public eye or I would do something like that, but I didn’t know what. Mhm. [00:09:55] I just felt it. Yeah.

Rhona Eskander: I just.

Amber Rose Gill: I just felt like, like that. But I was like I don’t think that I would get on [00:10:00] the stage and sing a song for everyone. It doesn’t feel like my kind of thing. But I thought, well, I [00:10:05] feel like I’m built for something, but I don’t know what it is. Yeah, yeah.

Payman Langroudi: So what was the first thing that you did in the public [00:10:10] eye? Was it Love Island.

Amber Rose Gill: The first thing ever? Yeah. So I kind of. Yeah, yeah. It was.

Rhona Eskander: Like, take [00:10:15] us through how they found you for that or how you approached.

Amber Rose Gill: Honestly, I don’t know [00:10:20] how the founders, but it was never really something that I had my eye on. It was it was never something [00:10:25] that I thought for it. No, I never thought I want to be on that show. Because to be honest, [00:10:30] if you watch the show, I’m not very good at dating. I’m not that friendly with dating. [00:10:35] I don’t want to kiss 25 people in a row. That’s what happens on the show. I don’t want to share a bed with someone I don’t know. [00:10:40] I’m very like the opposite of what you have to do on the show. So I never really I never really [00:10:45] had my eye on it. But at 21, I was a beauty therapist and I had been doing it for a couple of years with my [00:10:50] auntie.

Rhona Eskander: Did you like it?

Amber Rose Gill: I loved it, I love, I love my clients, I love doing facials, you [00:10:55] know, I love my skincare, all that stuff. So it was just it was. Totally my forte, but super, [00:11:00] super long hours. And there’s like a cap on how much money you can make as well, because it’s [00:11:05] just you and scaling at 20, I don’t know how to scale a business, I don’t know how to add [00:11:10] someone in and it was too much. So it got to like a stagnant point where I was like, I [00:11:15] kind of want to do something different, but I don’t know what I want to do. Love my clients don’t ever want to leave my clients. I’m [00:11:20] not going to do that. One day I get a Insta DM from [00:11:25] an ITV2 account being like, um, we have [00:11:30] a brand new show on in the summer. It’s a singles certain age [00:11:35] range. If you’re interested, give us a message back. And I showed it to my auntie [00:11:40] and I was like, maybe this is the thing that’s going to like, stop the like, because we’re both in [00:11:45] sort of a rut. I was like, maybe this is the thing. I’ll just answer the DM and go from there. [00:11:50] It probably won’t turn out anything, but let’s just say reply to the DM. Done. [00:11:55] A whole load of auditions, got sent down to London, did an introduction [00:12:00] with like the execs medical stuff, and then it was like, you’re on the show [00:12:05] crazy.

Payman Langroudi: Did you have a huge social media account? No, no, not even that.

Amber Rose Gill: No, no. So [00:12:10] I mean, I had back.

Rhona Eskander: And back then because she’s one of the originals. They it wasn’t about your following. Like nowadays [00:12:15] they might pick someone with a big following, but not then.

Amber Rose Gill: No, I don’t think they would pick.

Payman Langroudi: How did they find her?

Rhona Eskander: I don’t know.

Amber Rose Gill: It’s [00:12:20] a it’s a myth. It’s a myth. Nobody knows. I should ask them that actually.

Rhona Eskander: Did you have at the time 4000?

Amber Rose Gill: Right. [00:12:25] And I know that sounds like a lot, but it’s.

Rhona Eskander: Not a lot.

Amber Rose Gill: And nowadays it’s not a lot now, but it [00:12:30] sounds like a lot for a random 21 year old to have a Newcastle. But I worked in nightclubs, so I was meeting new [00:12:35] people all the time. I was working all the time I was a face. So if you were going out, you know that you see me. [00:12:40] So like I was followed because I was well known within Newcastle, not because people [00:12:45] cared about what I thought or what or anything. To be honest, it’s because people knew me, so I have no idea. [00:12:50] But I might ask them because it’s quite interesting to know how.

Payman Langroudi: The most common question people ask you about [00:12:55] Love Island.

Amber Rose Gill: Oh, I couldn’t even tell you a common question because I’ve been asked every question [00:13:00] 5 million times.

Payman Langroudi: What do people really want to know? That you know, people.

Amber Rose Gill: Want to know what it’s really like. If [00:13:05] it’s scripted, how did I get on it? What do you eat? If [00:13:10] we want to know, what time do you wake up? What time do you go to bed? Yeah, but.

Rhona Eskander: Everyone wants to know everything. Honestly. [00:13:15]

Amber Rose Gill: The comment I don’t have a comment question because I just ask you something.

Rhona Eskander: In the process of [00:13:20] doing it. Were you happy in the process in the villa? Were you actually happy? Were [00:13:25] you waking up every day and being like, I’m enjoying this experience? Yes and.

Amber Rose Gill: No. Yes and no.

Rhona Eskander: Why? [00:13:30]

Amber Rose Gill: Because. Did you watch my season or not?

Rhona Eskander: Do you know, I don’t think I [00:13:35] think I watched like snippets of it and I definitely I remember watching like the kind of end [00:13:40] when you were like winning. Yeah. But for me it was always a show I had in the background. Like I was never invested. [00:13:45] And like I say this with the utmost respect and love because I know you. [00:13:50] But for me, it was very much a platform where people wanted to become famous. So like, I [00:13:55] knew that when like Amber, other Amber, yes, our name now was in it. And also like [00:14:00] she became a patient and she’s also super lovely as well. Yeah. And that was like when she won it with Kem, for example. [00:14:05] And then like I watched bits here and there, but I think what I struggled with was that people [00:14:10] were going on it to just become famous, like in the kind of like more recent series. And [00:14:15] I’d met a lot of people off the show because they obviously tried to get their teeth done, which I actually didn’t connect with. [00:14:20] There was something in my gut that was like, I don’t know if I trust and then, like you two, I’ve been like seeing for [00:14:25] years, which just shows like the authenticity that I’d been like, I treated you guys and [00:14:30] I’ve been your dentist for like five years or more. Do you see what I mean? So that shows that you’ve actually got a [00:14:35] proper connection.

Amber Rose Gill: You do my mom.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah. Yeah. And but that was the thing. And I think [00:14:40] that for me it was always a bit of a, like a background show. So I was never fully invested.

Amber Rose Gill: It is for [00:14:45] some people.

Rhona Eskander: But but people are invested.

Amber Rose Gill: For you with the journey. Because I was in there, I was [00:14:50] the first person to walk in and the last person to walk out. That’s two months long in [00:14:55] some random villa in Spain. And so it’s a long time and a lot of things happen. Obviously [00:15:00] it’s a reality TV show, a lot of things happen, so I’d say I was quite fun. 21 year [00:15:05] old are getting paid to sit in the sun. I mean, do they pay you for it? It was like not that much. Do [00:15:10] you know what I am actually not sure. Other people said they got paid. I don’t know if actually I was [00:15:15] like, I was just happy to be there. To be honest. I was like, fine. No, I think it was like £200 a week maybe, [00:15:20] but I’m I don’t know if I got that, but obviously I won the prize money at the end, so I wasn’t bothered with £200 a week. Yeah, I got 25 [00:15:25] grand at the end, so yeah.

Rhona Eskander: Anyways, five grand.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, yeah, 25 split between two, but we’ll [00:15:30] get into that. So I was the first one in the last one out for two months. And a lot lot of things happened. [00:15:35] So very fun. 21 year old absolutely loved it when I first went in. Didn’t really find [00:15:40] a connection with anyone because who does in one day? Apparently everybody that goes on Love Island apart from me [00:15:45] wasn’t in anyone still having a fun time because I’m made friends and it’s fun. [00:15:50] All you have to do is wake up, put a bikini on, have a couple of shots, have a shower, get into a nice [00:15:55] clothes, put your makeup on, have another couple of shots, go to bed, get up and do the same thing. That’s not great.

Rhona Eskander: To leave though, right? [00:16:00]

Amber Rose Gill: No, no, you’re not allowed to leave. You’re not allowed to leave.

Rhona Eskander: But so did you get homesick?

Amber Rose Gill: No, I’m [00:16:05] not I’m not the type of person that gets homesick, to be honest. If I’m in the sun and I’m in a plane, I just forget. I [00:16:10] forget. I’m like, what?

Rhona Eskander: Home?

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, this is home right now. I’m fine. So yeah, but [00:16:15] there was moments. There was definitely like a pivotal moment where somebody [00:16:20] was just not that nice to us. And I got really upset. And then from that point, I wanted to leave. [00:16:25] Every day I woke up, I wanted to go. I told him every day I’m leaving, I’m going, no, you’re not keeping us [00:16:30] here. I don’t want to be here anymore. Like, that guy’s making me out to be some kind of [00:16:35] just. Can you sweat or not? Can you sweat? Yeah. Sweat.

Rhona Eskander: Sweat all you want. Yeah.

Amber Rose Gill: We [00:16:40] say it.

Rhona Eskander: All the time.

Amber Rose Gill: He’s making me out to be some kind of dickhead, and I can’t be arsed with that anymore. I can’t do it. [00:16:45] And they were like, no, just persevere. Like you’ll be fine. More people are coming in, you’ve got more fun things [00:16:50] that’ll come in and whatever. And I just sat tight and I was like, not really happy, but I’ll [00:16:55] crack on. And I’m glad I did because I won the show. So it was good that I just persevered. [00:17:00] But I wasn’t like, I wouldn’t say. I was like, it wasn’t that bad how I was feeling. I was just a bit [00:17:05] like, what’s the point in us being here? Everything’s very coupley and I’m single, so what’s the point? I’m [00:17:10] just sat like a spare part, so it’s not fun.

Rhona Eskander: But do you think the public voted you to win because [00:17:15] you showed that resilience and strength, and then obviously they brought in someone last minute? I kind of vaguely [00:17:20] remember. And uh, but he literally disappeared off the planet. No.

Amber Rose Gill: Well, God knows [00:17:25] I don’t know. Yeah, well, he has for me.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah, yeah. But as in like, you know, but I think he literally was one of those strange [00:17:30] people that came on to Love Island. And as I said, like most people want it because [00:17:35] they get the like, publicity. But like, he went on it and then like, no one heard from him, like, ever again. [00:17:40]

Amber Rose Gill: But I do think that was partly because he won with me and was split up, and it was [00:17:45] just a bit of a funny situation. I think if it didn’t pan out that way, he wouldn’t have done that. He would have probably he [00:17:50] was.

Rhona Eskander: Sticking his head in the sand.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, because it just ended up being messy.

Payman Langroudi: What were the emotions [00:17:55] coming out so suddenly in? You. Castle. You were completely famous, right? Did you go back to Newcastle? [00:18:00]

Amber Rose Gill: In Newcastle, I was famous across the whole of the. The everywhere.

Payman Langroudi: Yeah, but did you go back to Newcastle? [00:18:05]

Amber Rose Gill: No, I had no time to go back to Newcastle. I got, I flew back to London. I stayed [00:18:10] in London for three weeks. I had what’s it called, closed security. Oh, really? Everywhere. [00:18:15] Everywhere. Like I would go to Westfield. I’d stop buying shoes. I turn around, there’s a crowd [00:18:20] of people outside being like, we want to take a poll with you. And my security was like, we can’t. Like, we’re gonna have to come out [00:18:25] early in the morning or late at night, like, because it’s too much. You come into places on your own. How crazy [00:18:30] is that? So I was like, how long did it take?

Payman Langroudi: Did you pretty soon start hating that fact?

Amber Rose Gill: Yes, I hated [00:18:35] it. I hated it.

Rhona Eskander: Because I was gonna say, did you love it or hate it?

Amber Rose Gill: Oh no, I hated it. I hate it because it’s just too. [00:18:40] I think, you know, if you if you’re an actor or you’re an artist or you’re anything, [00:18:45] you sort of build an audience and you can see the direction that it’s heading in. So you can see, [00:18:50] okay, I’ve got 100,000 followers and then next week I’ve got 200,000 followers. So I know [00:18:55] that I’m getting bigger and I can prepare. Whereas I went in with 4000 and came out with 2 million.

Rhona Eskander: Wow, [00:19:00] wow. That’s insane.

Amber Rose Gill: Like yeah. Yeah. So like you [00:19:05] just can’t you can’t wrap your head around it. And also with [00:19:10] that, when you’ve, you know, you have like a thing that you [00:19:15] do like a niche that you do. So I sing and I do this and this is why I’ve got followers. [00:19:20] I didn’t know why I had followers. I was like, what do I post? What do people want to see from me? I [00:19:25] don’t know why you’re following me because I don’t post anything yet. So what? What the hell do I even [00:19:30] put on?

Rhona Eskander: Did you immediately do the thing that people do where you went straight to like [00:19:35] the comments and stuff? So you came like not having had a phone and then you got on phone. Were you like, curious what people were [00:19:40] saying about you online as like a first reaction?

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, 100%.

Rhona Eskander: How did that affect you?

Amber Rose Gill: It’s [00:19:45] great because everyone loved us. Yeah.

Rhona Eskander: I love it. I love it [00:19:50] so good. That’s why you want. Yeah, exactly I love this. So what are any negative comments I.

Amber Rose Gill: Mean [00:19:55] yeah there was negative comments.

Rhona Eskander: Did it affect you or not?

Amber Rose Gill: Not at that time because it was overwhelmingly positive. [00:20:00] Like overwhelmingly, you know, if you win the show everyone’s like, yeah. You show people to like, [00:20:05] you know, be strong no matter whether someone’s, you know, being a dick to you, like you showed [00:20:10] girls not to put up with shit. You’re amazing. You’ve got strong personality. You’re very straight. You’re a good [00:20:15] friend. Da da da. So my head was massive. I was like, yeah, best person in the world. Yeah, I love that. [00:20:20]

Payman Langroudi: How long did it take before people stopped hounding you and bothering you or recognising [00:20:25] you, or do they still like they.

Amber Rose Gill: Still do now? It’s not as crazy now. Yeah, it’s more manageable now. [00:20:30] So I’m in a happier place.

Payman Langroudi: In Camden Town now. A couple of people will say hi.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, probably. [00:20:35]

Payman Langroudi: Really?

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. Of course.

Rhona Eskander: You’ve got. I mean, look, I’ve got a friend of mine, she’s an influencer and she’s [00:20:40] got 3 million followers and she’s not on TV. But like, we went to Lesvos, which is [00:20:45] refugee camp. I took her to my refugee camp, my refugee camp, a refugee camp, but I work in. Yeah. [00:20:50] Um, every year I go and do dental work. They imagine there was someone in this little Greek town where this refugee [00:20:55] camp is. They recognised her. Imagine. Who is she? Chrissy. My friend. Yeah, but [00:21:00] imagine, like they were like. Chrissy, I do your workouts. Do you know what I mean? That’s in Lesvos, you know, [00:21:05] so I can’t. Obviously, that doesn’t surprise me that people would know who Amber is. Okay. So [00:21:10] obviously I’m gonna, you know, classically ask you because a thing like Love Island developed a really [00:21:15] bad reputation for not supporting people through their mental health. Yeah. You know, people took their life after [00:21:20] the show. So at that time when you were doing it, did they provide you with mental health support? Yeah, [00:21:25] they did, they did. I think it got to the.

Amber Rose Gill: Point where it was like an actual like I had to actually do.

Rhona Eskander: Something. [00:21:30] So what happened?

Amber Rose Gill: So I believe it was 14 weeks of therapy after [00:21:35] the show.

Rhona Eskander: And that’s compulsory for everyone or you win. Not everyone but.

Amber Rose Gill: Everyone. Yeah, [00:21:40] I think I did 12 weeks of it, but I didn’t really find it that beneficial. [00:21:45] Um, it wasn’t until later on that I’ve, you know, got a do therapy. [00:21:50] I’ve been doing therapy for two years straight now, but it wasn’t really beneficial for me at the time because I didn’t really [00:21:55] get it. It’s not really a thing in Newcastle. I mean, it probably is now, but at the time it wasn’t [00:22:00] like, oh, I’ve got a therapist. Well, what the fuck? Yeah. What’s wrong.

Rhona Eskander: With you? Yeah.

Amber Rose Gill: I mean, like, what’s going on? [00:22:05] And I didn’t realise that you have to fight. The most important thing about therapy is you have to find the right fit. [00:22:10] You have to find the right fit for you, the right person. So I. Oh, yeah, the right therapist. You’ve got to find the right [00:22:15] fit. Because, you know, I had a white therapist that was given to me, [00:22:20] like given to me from Love Island, and it just she was fine, but she was just fine. [00:22:25] And I don’t want fine. I want it to be a proper thing. Yeah. Whereas now [00:22:30] I have black Caribbean woman and some things that I talk about she just can relate to, and she [00:22:35] can understand why I would have a certain mentality or certain thought process on things. So it’s just about the [00:22:40] fit, because now I feel like I could go to her and say whatever the hell I want, whereas I feel [00:22:45] like with the one that was provided via Love Island, I felt like I was performing and she just kept [00:22:50] going, God, you’re doing really well. You can’t believe you’re only 22 and you do it. And I was like, yeah, I’m great, I’m great. And [00:22:55] I used to walk out and think, what the fuck was the.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah, I.

Amber Rose Gill: Can say I feel good.

Payman Langroudi: Just like the [00:23:00] the very lowest point and the very highest point. But what is it? What [00:23:05] happens when you come out?

Rhona Eskander: And before Amber goes on to that, I want to make a comment about the therapist, because I think that’s [00:23:10] a really important point. I also like when I recognise that I had mental health issues, was [00:23:15] quite early on in my life, and I basically got like recommended therapists [00:23:20] be like, go and see this person through like health insurance. And then I was like, I had, as you said, a very okay [00:23:25] experience. And I thought, this is just it and this is what happens. And like you said, sometimes [00:23:30] I used to go and sit in the room and just try to like fill the spaces by just like talking. And they’d be like, oh, you’re like [00:23:35] doing great, you’re fine, etc. and I used to not enjoy the sessions, not want to turn up, but I thought that’s [00:23:40] just the way that it is. Then when I found my recent therapist, who I’ve been with [00:23:45] for like three years and like, it’s such a huge difference. Like she’s life changing. I’ve even had her on the podcast [00:23:50] and it makes such a difference because and it’s like, I think like just don’t force [00:23:55] the shoe to fit. And I even say that with like, dentists and doctors, like if you go and your initial [00:24:00] consultation or something is like, I don’t feel this is right, like, just go with it, don’t stick at it. You know, this is [00:24:05] not a relationship. You don’t have to kind of like work through it. Like there are people. And I think importantly, [00:24:10] what you said was, is that because you had a therapist that understood your heritage, like we’re understanding more [00:24:15] that like people of certain cultures and backgrounds have also got like epigenetic trauma instilled [00:24:20] in them, you know, like when you look at our ancestors and we actually carry that in our DNA and people [00:24:25] didn’t know that. So like you said, like your realities and your traumas are inherently within your body [00:24:30] that like, I couldn’t necessarily understand or Payman and vice versa.

Payman Langroudi: Your instincts.

Rhona Eskander: Well, [00:24:35] we had this conversation before.

Amber Rose Gill: So I think I do. And it was really interesting [00:24:40] because the other day I was watching this video and I don’t know if you’ve seen it, I’ll [00:24:45] show you it later. And it’s a guy and he’s talking about how easy when manipulated. And he’s got two [00:24:50] dots on the screen, he’s got a red dot and he’s got a blue dot. And he says, okay, [00:24:55] you think that these are equal? They’re actually not equal. So put your hand up. If you think the red is bigger, put your hand [00:25:00] up. If you think the blue is bigger and like 90% of the people put the hand up and he’s like, well, actually they’re equal. But because I [00:25:05] made you choose something, you’re so easily manipulated to choose which one you think is bigger. And [00:25:10] whilst I was watching that video, I was thinking, no, neither of them are bigger. I think they’re equal. I [00:25:15] think they’re equal. Yeah, I still like regardless, he’s making us choose. I’m like, I’m not choosing. So I’m like, oh, I [00:25:20] do trust my instinct to a degree. But I think it’s it’s dipped in and out throughout [00:25:25] my life trusting my instinct. And I feel like I’ve come back to doing it now because I used to do it when I was younger. [00:25:30] And then with the sort of whole Love Island thing, you learn not to. Why? And then [00:25:35] because you just do like when you when I come off the [00:25:40] show, it’s all well and great. Everyone loving this and I’m getting all these compliments, but I think that you’re [00:25:45] like adapt yourself because a big part of the industry is being liked. And if [00:25:50] you want to be liked, you’ve got to be like a certain way. And I think I had bad [00:25:55] teams around us or bad people around us, not necessarily my friends or family, but just bad, like work [00:26:00] environment. And they were kind of like, oh, don’t be too sweary or [00:26:05] don’t say your opinions as much or be like a bit softer and la la la.

Rhona Eskander: And I call it PR [00:26:10] training. But you know what I think? I think it’s an annihilation of your true self sometimes, because I’ve had friends [00:26:15] of mine in the public eye and they’re like, I’ve had media training and I have to do this, and I have to wear these colours and dress [00:26:20] like this. And I’m like, I get it, but you’re just trying to fit a mould, right? That’s what I think.

Payman Langroudi: That was for the old [00:26:25] media. Yeah, they.

Rhona Eskander: Still do it now.

Amber Rose Gill: And.

Rhona Eskander: They still do the media training now. Right.

Payman Langroudi: But it doesn’t it [00:26:30] doesn’t relate so well. Yeah.

Amber Rose Gill: Social. It doesn’t come across as well. But I think that [00:26:35] part of like the sort of old love I love Island management style was [00:26:40] that whereas now I’ve got new sort of management I mean, no disrespect to old management. They did their [00:26:45] job and they were good, but they had an old mentality. Now I’ve got a younger management in the kind of get that the [00:26:50] need to let me be who I am, because that’s who people like. And it’s not necessarily about the press [00:26:55] or what the Daily Mail says or what the Sun says, like nobody’s even reading them anymore. It’s about what the what the people on TikTok, [00:27:00] whether they want to engage with you, whether they’re buying the things that you, you know, you promoting, [00:27:05] whether they’re investing in you, that kind of thing.

Payman Langroudi: Why would someone choose to listen to this? Yeah. [00:27:10] No, no, wait wait wait. There’s so many things they could do. They could watch succession [00:27:15] on TV. They could flip TikTok. Right. But, you know, there’s the reason why they [00:27:20] do it is because there’s real talk, real questions, real answers. And [00:27:25] we’ve had so little of that on TV. You know, that people crave [00:27:30] this.

Rhona Eskander: I do think I mean, I’m gonna I’m gonna ask Alan, but I do think that, like on a subconscious [00:27:35] level, though, like the response that we even get from people on social media [00:27:40] does also guide us in a way, on the way that we communicate with [00:27:45] our audiences and like what we feel like we’re censored about saying, like, we’ve discussed this before, [00:27:50] and I think that anyone that has a platform I might be wrong does have a deep sense [00:27:55] of like, I hope I don’t get. Cancelled or people like, go against me. Like, maybe you’re over that, maybe you [00:28:00] don’t care. But I’m conscious sometimes of like the fact that I say things not to be liked, but I’m not [00:28:05] offending someone gravely, intensely, you know, because I recognise, especially [00:28:10] with TikTok, more than Instagram. Um, as I said, like, people could be like, you just said, [00:28:15] you like pink. Why? Why haven’t you given green a chance? Yeah. Green deserves to be seen, [00:28:20] you know? I mean, it’s like. Yeah. And it’s a lot. So I think there’s a, there’s a sometimes you’re [00:28:25] just mindful that you’re yourself, but you’re mindful of the way you’re putting across your stuff. I don’t know. [00:28:30] That’s something I think about.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah I think that I probably was like that on the, on the further [00:28:35] end of the scale, to the point where I felt like I wasn’t being true to myself. And I think that’s when I started [00:28:40] to not enjoy what I was doing. I didn’t really want to post was really quiet, remember, like when we first [00:28:45] met, I don’t think I was that active on like social media. I’m way more active now because I think [00:28:50] I was like trying to put myself in a box. Okay, I have too many unfollowers now I’m going to post [00:28:55] the outfit pictures that everybody that else with 2 million followers is posting. I want to do a cute picture with a coffee [00:29:00] and put a filter on it and write a cat, you know what I mean? That’s what I was trying to do. And I’m like, well, hold on a second, [00:29:05] that’s not you. You wear flip flops and Lululemon leggings to Harrods. Like you’re not the same as these people. [00:29:10] You’re not in a static photo like stop. And I think I got to that point and I was like, I [00:29:15] just it was exhausting. So right now I get what you’re saying. I’m mindful [00:29:20] to a degree, but I think in talking to anyone, you’re mindful to a degree. And I think that degree has [00:29:25] to lessen. When you’re on social, you have to just not care because you [00:29:30] lose sight of who you are, but then it becomes not enjoyable. You don’t enjoy it. And I think the main [00:29:35] thing about posting and and producing content, you just need to enjoy what you do, because people can tell when you’re [00:29:40] enjoying yourself. And yeah, because I just don’t believe you. Just burn yourself out so easily. If [00:29:45] you’re like, what if I’m offending someone like, oh, who cares? Yeah, who cares?

Rhona Eskander: I know you [00:29:50] have always embraced being your authentic self. So back to Payman question, what was your lowest point and then your highest [00:29:55] point?

Amber Rose Gill: Oh God. There were several lowest points, but I think the lowest of the low was, um, [00:30:00] I had like this launch party when I did a fashion collaboration and I [00:30:05] got super drunk, everyone was buying me drinks and stuff, and someone posted a story where I look a bit. [00:30:10] It doesn’t look good.

Rhona Eskander: It didn’t look good at this moment. It didn’t.

Amber Rose Gill: Look [00:30:15] good. I mean, I wasn’t as I wasn’t as bad as how I looked. I didn’t like I definitely [00:30:20] wasn’t that drunk. My family were there. I wasn’t that bad. But this video just caught us looking crazy. Someone [00:30:25] posted it.  it got picked up on so fast it was all over Twitter. She should be [00:30:40] cancelled. Um, she’s taken drugs in the club and it’s crazy. And [00:30:45] decline the fashion collab, you know, revoke the money from Love [00:30:50] Island. Like everything, it was horrendous. It was horrendous. And I think if that happened [00:30:55] to us now, it would be completely different. But I think at the time I wasn’t sort of in a proper therapy, [00:31:00] probably didn’t have a good circle. I was quite someone that liked to deal with things [00:31:05] on their own. And so I sat by myself and I just was just trying [00:31:10] to deal with it on my own, and I couldn’t. It was so difficult.

Rhona Eskander: Dark thoughts.

Amber Rose Gill: Oh my God, it was horrendous. Like [00:31:15] it was just so bad. And my management were like, just sit tight and it’ll blow over. And I’m like, well, it doesn’t feel like [00:31:20] that for me right now. Yeah, I can’t sit tight because what about the now? Yeah. You know, it’s fine. [00:31:25] In two weeks I might laugh about it, but right now I’m in hell, like I can’t. I [00:31:30] don’t want to go out. Don’t want to go out in case someone sees isn’t there like, yeah, she’s the one that was on drugs [00:31:35] or whatever. I just wanted to stay in the house and not talk to anyone, sit in a dark room and do nothing for the longest [00:31:40] amount of time. It was. It was horrendous.

Rhona Eskander: Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. [00:31:45] Yeah. Like in those points. Yeah. Yeah, I think prior to that. Probably [00:31:50] not. But I think, you know, it’s easy on the outside looking [00:31:55] in. So back before I had followers, I’d be like, why is anyone that’s got 2 [00:32:00] million followers upset and you get grip? Yeah, I got money upset. They need to like, [00:32:05] think about the priorities. And then I was like, oh no, fuck. Like it happens. Like it does [00:32:10] happen. And so yeah, that those are the times where I really felt like that. It was really it was [00:32:15] awful.

Payman Langroudi: Were there thousands of comments?

Amber Rose Gill: Like hundreds of thousands. Yeah.

Payman Langroudi: And so the accumulation [00:32:20] of those was and.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, that’s what I was going to say is it’s that like it’s easy to look and think [00:32:25] everything’s fine. Like what you’re bothered by a couple of comments. It’s not a couple. [00:32:30] It’s not a couple. You know, everyone’s dealt with negative comments, but when you’re dealing with hundreds [00:32:35] of thousands it’s a different unless we’ve experienced, you can never understand what it’s like when [00:32:40] people are piling on top of you. You can never understand. I think we.

Rhona Eskander: Failed as a society. Like, look, even [00:32:45] what was hitting the news like, I literally couldn’t care less really, about the royals. Like it’s not for me, but [00:32:50] like the Kate Middleton thing, like the way that the media was speculating and like bullying and then she’s like [00:32:55] forced to come out and be like, oh, I have cancer. I felt for her. Right. Like, you know, to have that like [00:33:00] kind of like public scrutiny. And I think we have failed and I think that we’re not getting [00:33:05] any better. Like we’re not getting better as a society. Like like we keep saying like, be [00:33:10] kind when someone’s killed themselves. Caroline Flack, you know, is like perfect example. And I just find that really heartbreaking. [00:33:15] It’s always like in hindsight, oh, be kind. I mean, in the Dental arena, like Dental trolls are [00:33:20] the worst. It’s like forums of, like dentists, like slating other dentists and stuff. And I just find it so [00:33:25] crazy. But like you said, people be like, well, you have followers, you have this, you have that. There’s nothing to be upset [00:33:30] about. And it’s like, actually the pressure becomes more, you know, and I think like, you [00:33:35] know, we should definitely have more empathy for that.

Payman Langroudi: You know, illness doesn’t really discriminate between [00:33:40] rich people or poor people. You know.

Rhona Eskander: Mental health, illness, physical illness, all of them. Yeah.

Payman Langroudi: Yeah. [00:33:45] Like toothache for a billionaire is just as bad as toothache for someone who hasn’t got a [00:33:50] job and is unemployed or whatever. Yeah, it’s still cheating. Yeah, but we don’t recognise that in the mental space. [00:33:55] Yeah, yeah. And in the mental space is just as bad or worse. If you’ve got a great life [00:34:00] and suddenly this happens, you’re losing everything in the meantime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:34:05] What was the other point? What was the most exciting? What was it sort of what? You had to take a moment. Hi. [00:34:10] Wow.

Amber Rose Gill: So many, so many highs. There are so many highs and lows of like, what I’ve done, [00:34:15] but, like, it was just sort of. Having like, money was [00:34:20] nice. Like having freedom to do what I wanted to do or buy what I wanted to buy was crazy. [00:34:25] I was like, I remember one time my accountant said, are [00:34:30] you sure you don’t want to spend more money? I was like, what do you mean? If your accountants telling you that you should [00:34:35] spend more money, you can definitely spend more money. Because I was just like, I didn’t know what to do. I buy one bag [00:34:40] and I’d be like, oh, yeah.

Payman Langroudi: There’s a level of financial there’s that don’t have to worry about your bills [00:34:45] anymore. Yeah, that’s like a really important moment. Yeah, because I remember [00:34:50] having to worry about bills. Yeah. Or electricity bill. Water bill. God pay the bills. [00:34:55] Yeah. Then that goes away. Then there’s a next level where, I don’t know, you go to any [00:35:00] restaurant or order anything on the menu and not look not look at the price. Yeah, yeah. And that’s that’s [00:35:05] beautiful. Then there’s the next level that you go, go on any holiday and take any flight, look after.

Rhona Eskander: Your friends, [00:35:10] stay.

Payman Langroudi: In any hotel. And but it does wear away is what I’m saying. Like okay. Like it doesn’t [00:35:15] go much further than.

Amber Rose Gill: No it doesn’t, it doesn’t. But I think I went from here to here in the space of two seconds because I was like, oh my [00:35:20] God.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah, the.

Amber Rose Gill: Food, I can have champagne, I can do whatever. Like it was crazy. [00:35:25] Yeah. Um, but yeah, it was just I think that and also giving to your family.

Rhona Eskander: Right. Because you [00:35:30] paid for your mum’s teeth, I did, yeah. Like as an Amber paid. You know, her mum had a full.

Payman Langroudi: That must be the best [00:35:35] feeling.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah. Like amazing. Like giving back to your mum that like, in that way I always think, like, if you can pay something medical for your parents, [00:35:40] that’s huge. Yeah.

Amber Rose Gill: I always like to do certain things. I always feel like never do enough [00:35:45] for them, though. I always feel like I just want to do even more stuff. Um, [00:35:50] but yeah, that’s that’s definitely like an amazing feeling because she was having such a annoying time [00:35:55] and I was like, you know what? I’ll take it to my girl. She’ll sort you out. And that’s such a nice feeling. And it was [00:36:00] it was a really nice feeling. But as well, I will say like the hot holidays, the opportunities, the [00:36:05] opportunities are crazy. I was getting paid. I remember I did a deal where they flew me to Tobago [00:36:10] to do all excursions to promote a competition where you won the trip. [00:36:15] So I did everything. I know how crazy is that? And like I got paid to to like go on holiday. [00:36:20] Yeah. To snorkel. Yeah. And it was like all I do was like snorkel and look cute. And then I was done. Yeah. And I got [00:36:25] to take one of my family members with us there. I took my cousin with us and we’re like.

Rhona Eskander: This is [00:36:30] crazy.

Amber Rose Gill: Like, what is going on? People have paid me to come here. And you were like, come with [00:36:35] me. We flew business class. And yeah, I was like, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. To answer [00:36:40] that. Yeah, it was the best thing ever.

Rhona Eskander: So on the way up, obviously you make [00:36:45] friends and then you’ve got to be wary of people. And you know me and you have had this conversation before. Do you find [00:36:50] it difficult or did you trust your intuition with like, people that you met on Long Way? Because I’m sure a lot of people [00:36:55] wanted to be friends with you, right? And they didn’t necessarily want it to be friends with you because of who you are, but also [00:37:00] like, you know, is there like the soul of who you are, but they also wanted the stuff that comes with it. You know, [00:37:05] we’ve discussed this before. So did you find it hard meeting people that you knew, like had your genuine [00:37:10] like best interest at heart?

Amber Rose Gill: No, I don’t find that hard because I don’t think I’m an easy [00:37:15] person to make friends with. Okay. Like I’m not very. No. I’m an [00:37:20] easy person to make acquaintances with. Like, I can be friendly, I can go to events, I can talk to people. But I think to get really [00:37:25] close to is I struggle with that with people in general. So I don’t think that anyone [00:37:30] that has the intention of being friends with me would expect anything, because I wouldn’t give them anything [00:37:35] anyway. Like I’m not very like, oh yeah, all my friends come together. I’m just not like that. [00:37:40] Yeah, I have always had quite like a small circle. And, you know, I’ve always liked to deal with [00:37:45] things on my own. So I didn’t even tell anyone about stuff that was going on. So I’ve never really had that [00:37:50] problem. And I think people were a bit they knew that about me as well. So I think people [00:37:55] avoid us. If they’re looking for a friend that’s going to give them something. I don’t think people would look at me. I think they would [00:38:00] look at someone else. So I’ve never I don’t think I’ve ever really had that issue. Would you say is quite [00:38:05] fortunate to be honest, because I think it’s a big thing in the industry, isn’t it?

Rhona Eskander: Are you, would [00:38:10] you say you’re an introvert or an extrovert?

Amber Rose Gill: Both at the same time. Really? Yeah.

Rhona Eskander: Okay, I [00:38:15] love that.

Amber Rose Gill: I think with me, I think with everyone, I think, um, I’m [00:38:20] not someone that you can put in a box. I can sit here and talk to you for hours on end about anything. [00:38:25] I can also sit in the house and I don’t want to go out. I can go and party till 11 a.m. if I want to. [00:38:30] I can sit in the house and read a book by myself. Like I’m not one thing or anything. I’m not an introvert [00:38:35] or an extrovert. I can be both.

Rhona Eskander: Do you think that’s because you love yourself? Not in like a way of like in terms [00:38:40] of, like ego, but isn’t like, you know who you are and you respect your own boundaries and you like, you like [00:38:45] I know who I am. And like I’m saying it in the, like, the affectionate way because often I’m like, I don’t [00:38:50] think I love myself because I do things that aren’t authentically aligned with what I want to do. Do you see what I mean? Because I’m [00:38:55] worried about trying to make everyone else happy. So. But what I’m hearing is, is that you do things to make you happy [00:39:00] when it suits you.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, yeah. I don’t know if that’s loving yourself, because I think I [00:39:05] do sometimes and I don’t sometimes. Yeah, sorry if I’m being wishy washy, but it’s just true, isn’t it? It’s [00:39:10] the truth of life. Sometimes you do love yourself, sometimes you don’t. But again, probably come from [00:39:15] very early. I’ve always liked to do what I want. Yeah, because I’ve got, I’ve got and I don’t [00:39:20] know if this is with the ADHD. Apparently it is a very strong sense of like justice and [00:39:25] doing the right thing. So I’ve always felt very strongly that whatever I’m doing, I’m probably doing [00:39:30] the right thing or I’m being a good person, so I don’t need to worry about, is this person happy? Is that person happy? Because I feel [00:39:35] like I’m doing your.

Payman Langroudi: Intention is.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, my intention is always good.

Rhona Eskander: It’s really interesting. [00:39:40] So you’ve mentioned ADHD. I definitely think I have so many of my friends think I have it. [00:39:45] Maybe even you do like everyone you have like Prav thinks I have it. Everyone thinks I have it to Prav tell you, I got [00:39:50] told off at dinner. No, by your boss. My partner. Because I can’t [00:39:55] like my brain’s just like I can multitask. I’ve like, got, like, classic symptoms. But [00:40:00] let’s talk about how you got diagnosed. So.

Amber Rose Gill: I can’t [00:40:05] remember exactly what happened, but I just, you know, when I came [00:40:10] off the show, like I was saying, I couldn’t post with the coffee cups and da da da. I couldn’t [00:40:15] do anything properly. I wasn’t doing it to the best of my ability. I just knew I was sort of doing [00:40:20] it and I was enjoying it. Freedom, holidays, everything is great. But I was just like, am I doing the best job? No, [00:40:25] I don’t feel like I am, but I don’t know why. I want to post things on time. I want to post six posts [00:40:30] a week. I want to post once a week on YouTube. I had all these big aspirations and I could never do it. And it wasn’t like [00:40:35] time constraint. It was just like me. There was. It was me blocking myself. And I knew that. And I think [00:40:40] a couple of years later I sort of connected the dots. I was like, actually, I’m my biggest like worst, biggest [00:40:45] own, worst, worst enemy. I’m my own worst enemy. Yeah, I’m my own worst enemy. [00:40:50] And so I need to figure out what’s going on. And I did loads of research on ADHD [00:40:55] and I was like, that sounds a bit like me. I didn’t think anything of it because I was just [00:41:00] like, I don’t need to get diagnosed. It’s not changing my life. I don’t think it’s going to change my life. And [00:41:05] then progressively I was like, do you know what? No. I feel like I could do better, be like, I procrastinate. I feel like in relationships [00:41:10] it shows up in friendships and everything. I’m too scattered. I’m not focussed on one thing, [00:41:15] so I’m probably not doing the best at what I need to be doing. So then in [00:41:20] 2022, I think went to a private clinic and got diagnosed, [00:41:25] she was like, yeah, he’s done.

Rhona Eskander: So they make you do a written test or both like verbal and written [00:41:30] verbal. Okay.

Amber Rose Gill: It was all it was all verbal I think. Well it might have been 2021 because I don’t [00:41:35] know if it was verbal because it was like Covid year time. Yeah. I feel like yeah it was some. Yeah. [00:41:40] So I had to do a big long hour and a half with the woman and she was like, yep, you’ve definitely heard it. And [00:41:45] then everything was like, wow, I feel like I could have done better in school. I feel like I could have just [00:41:50] thrived a lot more in life. Looking back on this type of questions that she asked, I was like, oh [00:41:55] yeah, like probably could have done better in grades. I might have went uni. I mean, I got [00:42:00] offered, but that was just not on my sights because I was just chaos. And then [00:42:05] I had the whole meltdown about medication because it didn’t really want to be on medication.

Rhona Eskander: They recommend medication [00:42:10] at the time or not.

Amber Rose Gill: It’s not recommended. It’s kind of based on what you want, [00:42:15] you know, because in itself, just getting diagnosed as a very it’s a very big [00:42:20] it’s a very big thing. And it doesn’t sound like because like I’ve been diagnosed, but you’re suddenly more [00:42:25] receptive of yourself. Like subconsciously you’re like, okay, I feel like this, [00:42:30] this is because of this. So I’m either going to do this or this kind of thing.

Payman Langroudi: So I’m feeling [00:42:35] a feeling of, you missed out on stuff in your life because you [00:42:40] were like this, or was the feeling of feeling of finally like it wasn’t my fault. [00:42:45] It wasn’t, you know, like.

Amber Rose Gill: It went it both at the same time. So I [00:42:50] think at first it was like, I think I cried on the call, to be honest. I cried on the call. I was like, [00:42:55] just it’s like it’s it’s such a strange feeling. It’s both at the exact same [00:43:00] time. It’s like, oh my God. I understand now why I was getting told off [00:43:05] so much in school and I was not paying attention. I was chaos and I could have just I couldn’t [00:43:10] just focus and do an exam or revise or do what I needed to do. And that’s really sad because I’m [00:43:15] like, oh, that little Amber. I didn’t know what was going on. She was just trying to do our best, and [00:43:20] she didn’t know that she had ADHD. And that’s sad. But then also it’s like, oh my God, now I know [00:43:25] the future is going to be fantastic because like, you just [00:43:30] I think when you come to an understanding of something, you just have so much power [00:43:35] over it. I had no power over it before. I had no power. But and [00:43:40] this.

Rhona Eskander: Is the whole thing because like, I’ve always known that like, I’m a I’m a different child, I’m a different person, [00:43:45] like I just am. And there’s certain parts of me, like you said, like the deep empathy, [00:43:50] the real sense of like wrong or right, like the moral compass and stuff like that. I’ve had it [00:43:55] always since I was like a child, but my concentration is terrible. Like, you know what I’m like. I [00:44:00] can have like a million conversations at once. I have to multitask to concentrate on this. And that’s [00:44:05] why dentistry is actually really good for my brain, because I have to be focussed on the physical in that time, [00:44:10] you know, it keeps me actually focussed and that’s like, I’m so lucky I’m a dentist because [00:44:15] doing stuff like requires like being on laptop or like doing stuff on your phone, I [00:44:20] get distracted and I end up doing like a million apps at a time and not finishing one job properly. Yeah. And [00:44:25] I think, like you said, like if people utilise different types of brains in different [00:44:30] ways because at school I was told I was really stupid. I told I was never going to get into dental school and like, I just had the sense [00:44:35] of like, I’m going to prove you all wrong. I didn’t really get a job after that. Like, you know, I had to start my own practice [00:44:40] when everyone else was like getting jobs everywhere else because all these different things, like people didn’t basically [00:44:45] believe in me. And like, you know, they say, now, if you know, someone has autism, [00:44:50] Asperger’s, that you can actually put them like in jobs that make them, like really efficient. If you understand [00:44:55] the way they work, like, you know, they want to show someone with their genius. Yeah, use their [00:45:00] genius. Like they put someone that had Asperger’s. They’d never had a job. And like a super. Market and [00:45:05] the organisation of the aisles was like crazy. They use their brain in a way that like, [00:45:10] they can actually function rather than making them fit into a box.

Amber Rose Gill: You know something about [00:45:15] judge a fish by its ability to swim, not climbing a tree. Yeah.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah, I [00:45:20] love that. I really love that.

Amber Rose Gill: I totally like, resonate with that because in school [00:45:25] I just yeah, I couldn’t I couldn’t do it. So other than.

Payman Langroudi: Now the guilt of it’s kind of gone. [00:45:30] Like, I don’t know if procrastination is one of your problems, but. Let’s hear now. Now you haven’t got guilt over it, have [00:45:35] you now got ways of dealing with ADHD?

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, I think I’m because [00:45:40] I don’t know if it’s it’s very predominant in women, but shame. It feels like everything [00:45:45] feels very shameful because it’s just, you know, if, you know, I’m looking on [00:45:50] Instagram and people are doing all these deals and I’m sat on the sofa for hours [00:45:55] and I can’t kick my brain into gear to do the things that I need to do, there’s a lot of shame. [00:46:00] It’s like, it’s your fault. Why are you like this? Just go and do it and it makes [00:46:05] everything worse. When you talk to yourself like that, it doesn’t make anything better. So you sit for longer and it’s just a spiral [00:46:10] of, like, getting worse. So when the sort of shame lifts, [00:46:15] it’s like, okay, maybe I’ll sit on the sofa for an hour now, [00:46:20] and then I’ll take one thing off and then I’ll do this and you sort of kinder to yourself. And then slowly [00:46:25] you started have 25 things in the day and it’s not bothering you, but you [00:46:30] also don’t have that little voice in your head that’s like, you need to do this and you need to be productive [00:46:35] and you need to need you need it. So if you get to a point where you’re like, actually, I kind of feel a bit strange, [00:46:40] you can have a break and be like, no, this is why I’m having a break. And then continue. One thing I wanted to [00:46:45] ask.

Rhona Eskander: You was, is did you feel that you want to take medication?

Amber Rose Gill: It was a [00:46:50] bit of a funny one, I think, being from Newcastle. You just [00:46:55] get on with life and you don’t really talk about problems. Very Caribbean as well, actually. [00:47:00] You don’t really talk about problems. You don’t take medication unless you’ve broken your leg. You can have painkillers, but you don’t [00:47:05] take medication for things that don’t exist just in your brain. And so although [00:47:10] if some if my friend came to me and said, I [00:47:15] want to take medication, I would say go for it. Yeah, yeah, whatever makes you feel better. Because I don’t really adopt [00:47:20] that mentality. Your subconscious, that’s what’s being programmed. So I felt like that. [00:47:25] I felt really strange about it. Why do I need to take medication? What? Because you sit on the sofa for hours. You don’t need to take [00:47:30] medication for that. Let’s get up off your ass and do what you need to do kind of thing. And then. It [00:47:35] was whilst I was in a relationship. It becomes really obvious to [00:47:40] the person that I’m with because I think on the face of it, a lot of people wouldn’t think I’ve got [00:47:45] ADHD because I’ve got more inattentive ADHD than hyperactive because I’m not a hyperactive person [00:47:50] at all. But in my brain is the most hyperactive thing. But when you’re so close [00:47:55] to someone in your relationship and you’re living together, they sort of notice the little things that you struggle with. So [00:48:00] say I’m going on holiday or I’m going on a trip for work and I’ve got my suitcase out. It’ll [00:48:05] take me 24 hours to do the case, and I’m having a meltdown about it because I can’t. [00:48:10] My brain like distraction. I’m going to get my electric toothbrush. I know it’s a spot on [00:48:15] the mirror that’s a bit dirty. I want to clean the mirror. And then. Oh, the shower’s video. And I’m cleaning the shower, and [00:48:20] it’s like, no, I was packing the suitcase. And so it just becomes like.

Rhona Eskander: And then your brain gets so like. [00:48:25]

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah, because it’s like, what the hell am I even doing? Yeah. And then it was, yeah, my partner at the time was like, [00:48:30] nah, like just try medication because I don’t want to see you. Like, you struggle. You struggle a lot. So then and [00:48:35] I got a shock. I was like, what do you mean? I struggle, I’m fine. I was like, no, maybe. Maybe [00:48:40] she’s right. Like I need to.

Rhona Eskander: So did you take the medication? Yeah. And.

Amber Rose Gill: Great. [00:48:45] Yeah, because God did a titration period. So started on like [00:48:50] a lower dosage and then sort of assess where I was with that. Higher, [00:48:55] higher, higher. I’m still in the titration period now because I’m still indecisive. I can’t decide [00:49:00] which dose is better for me, but from the beginning it was [00:49:05] noticeable. The difference was noticeable. I was handling things better. I could, you know, [00:49:10] reply to emails and do admin and and not be so [00:49:15] caught up in my feelings and just everything got better.

Payman Langroudi: What did you take?

Rhona Eskander: What [00:49:20] did I say? Ritalin.

Amber Rose Gill: No, not Ritalin. It’s a Concerta. Okay, I’m on Concerta. [00:49:25] Yeah, I heard bad things about Ritalin, so I didn’t do Ritalin.

Rhona Eskander: And if [00:49:30] you want to go off it, is that an option? Like, is it like, do the doctors say. Or do you have to again, like, you know, like antidepressants, [00:49:35] you have to be weaned off because if you go off completely, like it’s really dangerous.

Amber Rose Gill: No, I don’t think that’s [00:49:40] the case for ADHD. I don’t think that’s the case. I’m not entirely sure, but I don’t I [00:49:45] don’t think that’s the case. I think if it was the case, I would know because they’d be like, don’t stop taking it. You need to not [00:49:50] stop taking it. And are there.

Payman Langroudi: Any side effects?

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah there are. There’s a list of side [00:49:55] effects. So the only one that I find when I take a higher dosage. So I try not to take [00:50:00] well, I’m not on a higher dosage. Loss of appetite and insomnia are my [00:50:05] two biggest ones. And so I ended up going on lower dosage because I don’t want to, you know, lose [00:50:10] my appetite obviously. And I want to be able to sleep. Yeah. So that’s when I that’s [00:50:15] like part of the titration period. If you notice you start to get side effects, bring it back down again. [00:50:20] But you know what?

Rhona Eskander: There is like such a stigma still around it. I was thinking because all [00:50:25] my friends joke and all of my psychotherapist friends are like, you definitely have ADHD, you definitely have it. You [00:50:30] definitely have it. And then I said to my partner, I was like, I think I’m going to get tested just to see if I have it. And he was [00:50:35] like, well, you’re not taking medication. And I was like, I just want to get tested. But like, [00:50:40] I feel like because, like, he’s like also like of that old school mentality, like you said, where he’s [00:50:45] like medication, like means there’s something wrong. And I’m like, there is just such a stigma to it. And I [00:50:50] think people think that you can really like, control every element of your brain, whereas [00:50:55] I think that you need to recognise medication can behave as a Band-Aid. [00:51:00] But sometimes a Band-Aid is necessary to get better or to help you do the things [00:51:05] that you need to do. It’s the same with antidepressants, right? You know, a friend of mine, she’d [00:51:10] had avoided antidepressants for a really, really long time, and there were days where she literally couldn’t get out of bed [00:51:15] because she was so depressed and she just spent all day crying. Her boyfriend convinced [00:51:20] her to go on antidepressants because he was really like, oh, stay with it. And she said to me, [00:51:25] I saw her last week. She goes, it’s life changing. She’s like, I know it’s a Band-Aid because I know you need to sort out the [00:51:30] root cause of my depression. She was like, but now I can function in the day and I can do stuff. And I think like [00:51:35] that, just like really sort of stuck with me. Yeah, I.

Amber Rose Gill: Think that probably antidepressants can [00:51:40] be looked on as a Band-Aid, but for ADHD medication, I like to think of it as more like a balance, like [00:51:45] I’m being balanced.

Payman Langroudi: But for the rest of your life or.

Amber Rose Gill: Um, I haven’t [00:51:50] I haven’t come to like a decision on that. I’ll make the decision to say.

Payman Langroudi: Is he saying that’s the kind [00:51:55] of.

Amber Rose Gill: Thing you can if you decide? Yeah, if you decide to, you can. But I’ll [00:52:00] I’ve been off it for a week before and I’ve been fine. So [00:52:05] it’s not it’s not something that I’m like particularly worried about. But [00:52:10] I think with medication stigma like why would you not like the way [00:52:15] that the world is, why would you not want people to be harmonious in their life? Like, I want things to be harmonious, like [00:52:20] I don’t want people to be crying in the middle of salvages because I don’t want [00:52:25] to take medication like I want everyone to be happy. Happy. I don’t want to see people [00:52:30] having breakdowns. I want everyone to be on a nice level and have balance. So if you feel a type of way, [00:52:35] take, take thing, I think.

Payman Langroudi: I think there’s a feeling that doctors are over prescribing these things. Yeah. [00:52:40]

[Transition]: I think so.

Rhona Eskander: In America I think so.

Payman Langroudi: I have that, you know, the stigma you’re talking about. I have that [00:52:45] stigma when a friend’s kid, they’re putting them on medication for ADHD. [00:52:50] I kind of like, I don’t give the kid drugs, you know. Yeah. And even that might probably incorrect. [00:52:55] Right. But but I do have that feeling for a child, you know, giving [00:53:00] them and this feeling of overprescription.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah, yeah. But I just want to say I’m going to throw a spanner into the work because [00:53:05] whilst both of you are speaking, the thing that strikes me the most is like we are [00:53:10] inherently describing a problem within society because society [00:53:15] is phones and social media and all this stuff is making a child [00:53:20] more towards their ADHD tendencies. Somebody having a breakdown and Selfridges, [00:53:25] because of whatever reason, is probably because of like their environmental or societal [00:53:30] impact. And I think like that is such a hard thing because it is kind of like without your control [00:53:35] and I hear what you’re saying, but like, people now need to survive in this world that we’ve created, [00:53:40] and it’s not necessarily a harmonious, happy world we have created around us.

Payman Langroudi: Used to have [00:53:45] it when you were nine years old, when there weren’t any social media.

Rhona Eskander: No, actually, in hindsight, like, [00:53:50] look, I always think I was different as a child. Like I’m beside like, I think I was different, but I think [00:53:55] like the ability to like go out and play like in the grass and like be in like a different sort [00:54:00] of environment is somewhat, you know, like help me, you know, keep me on [00:54:05] that. Like kept me, keep me on that, like level of being happier than unhappier.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. Yeah. [00:54:10] Um, I do think it’s a societal thing. And I think the way that exactly what you’re saying, the way that [00:54:15] we’ve built things up, it probably is. Overprescribed. I think both things [00:54:20] are true, but I think it’s a big issue. I think for me, regardless, because, [00:54:25] you know, I was struggling pre-social media age, I think I’d be on medication, like, no [00:54:30] matter. But for a lot of people, and especially children as well, I think that it’s something [00:54:35] that could be, you know, if we’re got out in the sun more because I, you know, [00:54:40] I do hate when doctors like, have you had a cup of tea, have you had a bath if you exercise and it’s like, piss off. Like, yeah, I [00:54:45] have, I have it’s not working. But if it actually did more of those things that would need to do [00:54:50] in order to be a well functioning human being, it would lessen, it would lessen. But [00:54:55] people don’t want to do that. But you know what it’s like.

Rhona Eskander: It’s it’s really it’s really like upsetting because in a way, [00:55:00] I know that when I wake up in the morning, if the first thing I grab is my phone, of course my anxiety [00:55:05] is going to get worse because I’m going to get like an email from work or like a disgruntled [00:55:10] colleague or like a comment on social media. But I still reach out for my phone and like, my partner’s like, [00:55:15] don’t do that. He’s like, literally have like the first 20 minutes without looking at your phone at all, like, [00:55:20] go wash your face. Like brush your teeth so hard. Exactly. It’s so it’s [00:55:25] actually go to uh, um, no, actually WhatsApp because I checked work stuff. Yeah, yeah. Work [00:55:30] stuff, doctor. And you need to stop that. But also not.

Amber Rose Gill: Too. It’s really good not to. [00:55:35] I mean, I still grab my phone, I try, I try not to for a little while, but I still [00:55:40] grab my phone. But the app that I opened, headspace.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah, I love that. I actually downloaded headway [00:55:45] as well. I don’t know if you’ve heard of headway. Yeah, so headway you put down like what things you’re interested. [00:55:50]

Payman Langroudi: In your phone.

Rhona Eskander: Next to. You know I’m not allowed to see. Now I have to put it in the room next door. And that’s [00:55:55] a good. Yeah. And that’s really good. And yeah, I know and but the thing is, how was the first thing. [00:56:00]

Amber Rose Gill: That you grab your phone. So I get, I go to the room.

Rhona Eskander: Next door and I grab my phone. No that’s ridiculous. Yeah it’s ridiculous. Yeah. [00:56:05] No, but I’ll tell I’ll tell you what it is though, like my happiest place. I think I saw you just after [00:56:10] I got back from Costa Rica, and I just, I think, you know, we had a drink at the electric Daisy, [00:56:15] remember? And Amber reached out because she was like, I saw you were really sad on social media and stuff. And I was like, [00:56:20] look, I’ve like, had a really tough time and I just come back off this retreat and like, the retreat for me was like being in [00:56:25] a jungle and being with what I believe humanity [00:56:30] is about, like it’s a group of people that create a retreat, but they live in this retreat [00:56:35] and they’re people that create it that like, just like us. And they’re like, do you know what? Fuck it. I’m leaving this life [00:56:40] behind. And they create a community. And then like, they do things that you know are good, like they live [00:56:45] with nature, they live with animals, they don’t really have phones, etc. they cultivate things. [00:56:50] They grow their like food and they cook it together. They do breathwork. Do you see me? They do community activities. [00:56:55] They can like go out and work with the local community and like, yeah, yeah, like sure, I’m sure [00:57:00] they have like internal problems. But I’m like, they’re going back to like the basic roots of why we’re put on [00:57:05] this earth. And it’s like connection community, like that’s I think what’s so important it’s been left behind. [00:57:10]

Amber Rose Gill: We’re so far removed from that. And it scares me because I think how we’re so far [00:57:15] away from what was supposed to be doing. Yeah. What do you mean, a mortgage? What was supposed to pick fruit off trees [00:57:20] and just walk around and be happy? Yeah, and I’ve got bills. Like what? Who decided [00:57:25] that? Like why? I don’t get it. I hate it, but this is why I do things like Kilimanjaro. [00:57:30] I just got back about two weeks ago, and I always do those things because I think [00:57:35] it’s just nice to remove yourself. Like London’s a different it’s just. Yeah, London’s. [00:57:40] London’s crazy. Like, as much as I love it, you just so far removed [00:57:45] from like the essence I think of what humanity is. And I think when you do things like Kilimanjaro, you [00:57:50] reconnect with it, you know, because they’re sort of, you know, the way that the people, [00:57:55] the locals love that mountain because it obviously brings them money and everything. [00:58:00] The way that the look after the whole place is just yeah, you respect it so much [00:58:05] because people don’t respect it. Yet. Like the Serengeti, I did a safari in the Serengeti. The [00:58:10] way that the people respect the animals as well. They respect them so much, you know, [00:58:15] they won’t bother you if you won’t bother them. We’ll live amongst them. And it’s. It’s harmonious.

Rhona Eskander: And [00:58:20] we don’t even respect each other in even respect. People don’t even respect each other, let alone [00:58:25] like, I mean, we don’t, you know, let alone like nature and our environment and things like that. And I [00:58:30] think like that’s been such a disconnect. Maybe that is like.

Amber Rose Gill: A huge disconnect.

Rhona Eskander: Like, you know, ADHD [00:58:35] people I think probably are more affected. And like, I get really emotional about [00:58:40] things like of the environment and animals and things like that, you know, because. I just feel like such [00:58:45] a disconnect cause I’m like this. I feel like everything is like one and sort of like Kilimanjaro. Yeah. [00:58:50] No, I think I think I will be good because we we. I’ve climbed like the volcano and like Guatemala [00:58:55] and I’ve done, like, all these different like, I love trekking and I’ve done all these different things like Machu Picchu [00:59:00] and Peru, because I feel like I’m so much more connected. And like you said, there’s something like about our [00:59:05] ancestors, you know, that really makes you feel like, you know, that kind of closeness. [00:59:10] Um, do you feel now that you are living in alignment [00:59:15] with your true authentic self?

Amber Rose Gill: Yes and no [00:59:20] because again, mortgage. I can’t get on board with it. Why? Why do you do that? I [00:59:25] don’t want that. I don’t want it. But you don’t want.

Rhona Eskander: You don’t have to do it.

Amber Rose Gill: No, you don’t have [00:59:30] to. But I want to. You know? I still want to. This is the problem. It’s like it’s a big circle. [00:59:35] I also want to have a good time. I’m not going to, you know, sit and be like, who in the field with nothing. Yeah. [00:59:40] So I have to get on board with the rat race. Yeah, I have to, because I want to have a good life. Yeah, I like flying [00:59:45] business class. I do like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I’m gonna have to make money. I’m gonna have to have a mortgage, so I have [00:59:50] to be part of it. But I don’t feel like that’s an alignment with my true self. But, you [00:59:55] know, in order to be in alignment, you probably do have to have a level of freedom as well. So you need [01:00:00] to be part of that in order to be part of your authentic self. Because, you know, if I want to take a day off, [01:00:05] people can’t take it. People can’t take a day off. If I want to take a day off and go on a retreat, I can’t do that. But [01:00:10] because I’m part of that, I can’t do that. So it’s just it’s a big circle of like, viciousness. [01:00:15] Yeah, I kind of win. So yeah, if you can’t beat them, join them.

Payman Langroudi: Now. What did you daily have to [01:00:20] do.

Amber Rose Gill: You said come on podcasts. You know, I um [01:00:25] brand deals presenting.

[Transition]: Yeah.

Amber Rose Gill: So like brand ambassadorships. So that means [01:00:30] that I turn up to events, I go on brand trips, I post content for them, [01:00:35] like using their products, promoting their products. I write, I’ve written my first book, amazing [01:00:40] 2022. Second book is coming out. Second book. Yeah. [01:00:45] Congrats again. The scientist for another one. Yeah. Amazing. What’s the.

Rhona Eskander: Content?

Amber Rose Gill: Um, it’s [01:00:50] romance novel. So whilst I was in school. Oh, God. Yeah, well, it was so. Did you [01:00:55] not know this? God, you need one? Yeah, you both can have one. He’s [01:01:00] a.

Payman Langroudi: Ghost-writer.

Amber Rose Gill: So. No, we don’t call it a ghost-writer. We call it a co-author. [01:01:05] Because when I went into the Harpercollins offices that they’re my publisher, when I went [01:01:10] into their offices, I was like, this sounds like a big job. And when you’ve got a platform, [01:01:15] you’ve got to do things right. I can’t be doing, you know, writing just willy [01:01:20] nilly, whatever I want. It’s got to be a good thing that people want to buy [01:01:25] and love to read. And I don’t know if I can do that. Sounds too scary for [01:01:30] me. I was always interested in English. I was going to do English at uni for my A-levels. [01:01:35] I did both English Literature and English language, so it was always a sector that I was like obsessed with, but I never [01:01:40] thought I was good enough to write something. And so they were like, no, no, don’t worry, [01:01:45] we’ll try to match you with a co-author so that you’ve got a sort of handhold [01:01:50] and someone that is published several times so that they know what they’re doing, they know [01:01:55] how things should sound, what would work, what’s not going to work. And you can sort of work collaboratively. [01:02:00] So it’s not like I go, yeah, yeah, just write whatever you want and I’ll go, this [01:02:05] is my book. Get it? It’s because it’s got my name on it. It’s not like that. It’s way more like I’m very [01:02:10] much in the process as well. I’m there with them, but it’s just I needed that because. [01:02:15] Can you imagine? Just. I’ve got 2 million people. And if it’s bad. Yeah. [01:02:20] I’m not sitting in my room in the dark again, so she better help me make sure it’s good, because [01:02:25] I’m not doing that again. I’m not. It’s got to be a bit. It’s got to be a bestseller.

[Transition]: And [01:02:30] my my.

Rhona Eskander: Question for you as well is, is that knowing what you know now [01:02:35] and living through what you have lived through with Love Island, if you do it again.

Amber Rose Gill: Do [01:02:40] it in what context?

[Transition]: I think.

Payman Langroudi: Seems like. Would [01:02:45] you do Love Island again?

[Transition]: Like in what?

Payman Langroudi: In what context you were? If you were the the beauty [01:02:50] therapist and if you.

Rhona Eskander: Were the 100%. Without a doubt.

Amber Rose Gill: Without a doubt. Okay. But now ask me if I would do it again.

Rhona Eskander: Now. [01:02:55] Now, I don’t think you would know.

Amber Rose Gill: Well, I got yeah, exactly.

Rhona Eskander: A lot of people went back, you know, there was like a reunion [01:03:00] type sort of show. And then I think. But I think that’s because you’ve become such a figure [01:03:05] in your own right. You don’t need to. Does that make sense? Like, I feel like the people that went back in [01:03:10] perhaps felt that that was so intrinsically tied to their success, they needed [01:03:15] that boost again, you know, I mean, I think that’s a very dangerous path because you’re [01:03:20] linking your identity to something that’s out of your control in a way, you know, because [01:03:25] you’re like, oh, I have to go on to get that boost again. I think some.

Amber Rose Gill: People wanted a redemption as well. Yeah. You know, [01:03:30] some people feel cheated by an edit or they didn’t last as long as they thought they should have. [01:03:35] People didn’t. Public opinion wasn’t great. And so they’re going again to see if they can [01:03:40] change the narrative. Yeah.

Payman Langroudi: Do you find that it was sometimes misleading?

[Transition]: No, [01:03:45] no, I think.

Amber Rose Gill: People use that as an excuse really I do, I do now I can [01:03:50] see because I’ve got a short hour at the minute that’s on E4. Yes.

Rhona Eskander: And it’s with a load of very well [01:03:55] known people too.

[Transition]: Yeah. What’s it called?

Amber Rose Gill: It’s called Joshua Swain. It’s chaos if you’re not into reality TV. I don’t [01:04:00] know if I like.

[Transition]: I like reality.

Amber Rose Gill: I do. So this is crazy. There’s basically a guy [01:04:05] called Josh and he’s an underdog. So not the type of people that you would see on [01:04:10] Love Island. And it’s like a social experiment to see if we could make him win the show in May. [01:04:15] And three other people on a panel are trying to make it so he wins. So [01:04:20] yeah.

Rhona Eskander: Him.

Amber Rose Gill: You know, he doesn’t know. We’ve got to do things behind us as if we’re producers. So [01:04:25] we’re like producers of Love Island, putting everything a certain way so that he looks [01:04:30] really good.

[Transition]: And so that he richer. Yeah.

Amber Rose Gill: It is like a true image. It’s exactly like that. So that’s on at [01:04:35] the minute. And I can see that it’s doing really well. Everyone’s obsessed with it. So the first [01:04:40] three episodes are out on streaming platforms already. And then I think there’s there’s 8 or 12. [01:04:45] I think there’s eight episodes altogether. So yeah, it’s only three in, so we’re not [01:04:50] far. So you’ve got time to catch up. Yeah, it’s really fun. It is funny, but Amber.

Rhona Eskander: You’ve done loads because [01:04:55] I think like what I think is fascinating about you is like, clearly the media know [01:05:00] that you’re special because you’ve been asked to do loads of other TV stuff because you and Kem did something on [01:05:05] Metal Dad, remember? Yeah. So Kem was another winner one other year. So they did a whole thing on mental [01:05:10] health, which was amazing. You know, I watched that You’ve got this now, which I think is great because I feel like your TV [01:05:15] opportunities have still like are still there.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. And I don’t take everything as well. [01:05:20] You know, I’ve been asked to do the sort of Celebs Go Dating and Ex on the Beach, and I just never really been [01:05:25] my thing. I think me on Celebs Go Dating would be great television because I’m terrible at dating, but I don’t want to do [01:05:30] it. I just don’t want to do it. Yeah. But yeah, in terms of the edit. So like editing of shows and [01:05:35] stuff, I can see with that show how certain things are clipped together. I don’t think that it’s not a good representation of [01:05:40] what’s happening. It still is. But like because this shows two houses together. So [01:05:45] we’re seeing the house that Josh is in and where I am and how it’s been clipped together. I can sort [01:05:50] of see how the editing is done in a certain way, but I still think it’s exactly what I said. [01:05:55] And I think with Love Island, everything that I said was what I said, and I don’t think [01:06:00] anything was misleading. I know I can’t speak for everyone is important. [01:06:05]

Rhona Eskander: That’s the one thing I’ll disagree with you on because context is important. You know, it’s like [01:06:10] if you say like, I don’t know, like. Yeah. Rona didn’t look [01:06:15] good in that dress. I just think that she’s like, you know, got a beautiful body, but she, like, looks [01:06:20] better in, like, a black dress. But then they edited it to say, I don’t think Rona looks good in the dress, like it’s the context. [01:06:25] Do you see what I mean? And then like, it’s the sentence you said it in. So I think that maybe, I’m [01:06:30] guessing I might be wrong. It’s like they will cut out bits that actually, like form the whole sentence, [01:06:35] I think, to a.

Amber Rose Gill: Degree, but I think the show would look really disjointed if that was happening every single [01:06:40] time. So I think when people say that they all being over the top, you.

[Transition]: Know, there was another.

Payman Langroudi: Thing. Your energy [01:06:45] is just so like good. Yeah.

Rhona Eskander: Energetic.

Payman Langroudi: No, no. It’s just goodness [01:06:50] comes out. It’s just obvious. You know, you’re thoughtful, but not everyone’s energy is that. [01:06:55] Yeah.

[Transition]: Yeah.

Payman Langroudi: And some people will say things that are, that are not necessarily coming [01:07:00] from like you were saying heart. Yeah. Yeah. From the right place. Yeah. And then it’s easy to edit those people into even [01:07:05] a worse. Well did other people, did you think other people were.

[Transition]: Well no.

Amber Rose Gill: Although [01:07:10] I’ve got good energy. I do say bad things a lot of the.

[Transition]: Time I.

Amber Rose Gill: See a lot of bad things. You know, I called someone [01:07:15] a knob on the show.

Rhona Eskander: That’s not bad.

Amber Rose Gill: She was being a knob, though, like, you know, we’re friends now, but she [01:07:20] was being a knob at the time, and that’s what I said. But I said some guy because it’s actually really interesting. [01:07:25] I wasn’t well liked in the beginning of the show. Really? Yeah. So I think if anyone can talk about it, I [01:07:30] really can’t talk about another because at the beginning I was not liked at all because, [01:07:35] you know, I say what I want, I probably say things that are a bit on the nose for some people. [01:07:40] You know, I was 21 and this guy came in and he was 28. I said, oh, that’s a bit old, isn’t it? Because for me it was [01:07:45] seven years older than me. That’s a bit old for me. Yeah. But I said that everyone was like, how dare she [01:07:50] say that? He’s always crazy. And then he said, do I suit these sunglasses? And [01:07:55] I the shape wasn’t right for his face. I didn’t think so. And I said, I don’t I don’t think that you do suit the sunglasses. And everyone was up in [01:08:00] arms about that. I’m like, what do you want to lie like? He didn’t suit the sunglasses. And I was like, oh, I think I suit. I’ve got the type [01:08:05] of face that suits all sunglasses. And I was like, oh, she loves herself. She thinks she’s great. I’m like, no, I just have a face that suits all [01:08:10] types of sunglasses. Yeah. But yeah, so I do get the whole editing thing because in those situations [01:08:15] I’m probably quite like a dry person. And I was like, God, you’re old. And then I laughed [01:08:20] after. But they didn’t put the laugh in, so everyone probably thought I was a bit of a dick. But I think [01:08:25] it’s funny that they didn’t put the laughing, because how funny is that? That someone just went, God, you’re old.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah, but I didn’t [01:08:30] laugh. But I just love it because I just feel like. And that’s why people love you so much is because you do keep [01:08:35] it real and like, you just know who you are. Like you say it with, like, such, like [01:08:40] confidence. Do you know what I mean?

Payman Langroudi: I think it’s super impressive. Five years after a reality show to still be relevant. [01:08:45]

Rhona Eskander: Exactly.

[Transition]: Yeah. Often.

Payman Langroudi: Often it’s a blip, isn’t it? And then it’s.

Rhona Eskander: And that’s why some people.

Amber Rose Gill: Some [01:08:50] people say I’m not though.

Rhona Eskander: Some people say I’m very. Ah.

Payman Langroudi: The question is this have you thought [01:08:55] that you need to do something like a business, something that isn’t related to your fame [01:09:00] on TV, but, you know, to to give it longevity, to give, to [01:09:05] give this for want of a better sentence. Business class flights. Right. [01:09:10]

[Transition]: That’s one.

Payman Langroudi: Longevity. Yeah.

Rhona Eskander: Um, but you’re [01:09:15] making good business decisions now. Like buying a house. You know, it’s an investment. You see what I mean?

[Transition]: Like [01:09:20] like buying a house. Yeah.

Amber Rose Gill: So I’ve got a property company. Oh. Do you? Yeah. Um, [01:09:25] so I buy. I like to buy new builds or off plan new builds. Either sell them and, [01:09:30] you know, because when they’re on completion, they’ll make more money or lease them out. So [01:09:35] that’s one thing that’s there. I do investments as well. I’ve got like an investment, [01:09:40] not crypto. No, I can’t get my head around it I can’t, I can’t I don’t understand.

Rhona Eskander: Yeah me. [01:09:45]

Amber Rose Gill: Too, but I need to understand the details.

Rhona Eskander: Of that stuff. I’m like.

Amber Rose Gill: What do you mean.

Rhona Eskander: No? My head hurts.

Amber Rose Gill: It doesn’t [01:09:50] make sense to me, so I just can’t, I can’t I have to understand it to get on board. And I just don’t get that. [01:09:55] So I do those types of things. But in terms of a business, it’s something that I’m thinking about now because [01:10:00] I think in the beginning, you know, it probably would have been a better idea to do [01:10:05] it when I first got off the show because, God, I could have made a shit ton of money. I could have made loads, but [01:10:10] that wasn’t the right thing for me then, and I don’t think I would have done a good job. Yeah, some people did do [01:10:15] that and they made loads of money and I’m happy for them. But I don’t think that was the right time for me at all. I think I needed [01:10:20] to survive.

Payman Langroudi: The Rona before. Before you used to represent a bunch [01:10:25] of toothpaste companies. You did a lot of work for us. Yeah, yeah. And then at one point [01:10:30] she she decided, well, why don’t I just do my own? Yeah, yeah. And, you know, fingers [01:10:35] crossed. So that it’s a bit like that, isn’t it. Yeah. You do. You could have [01:10:40] done your own line of something.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah you could, but I think that that’s something that I’m looking into now. [01:10:45] So one of my really big interests is swimwear. And it’s because I think that there’s a gap [01:10:50] because they’re either £200, you can’t go in the sea with them. [01:10:55] You wear them once and they’re a different colour. They’re really poor fabric. Just everything’s [01:11:00] not good. You know, we buy in bikinis for £8 or £200. There’s nothing in the middle that’s good quality. So [01:11:05] I really want to do that. But that’s more like a passion project than like cash cow. What can I make the most money from? [01:11:10] That’s more like, no, I think that this is a good idea. And this is. What I want. So I’m going to make it small [01:11:15] and hopefully make it bigger in the future if it works. But I don’t think that was the right thing [01:11:20] for me. Then a lot of people did. They brought out, you know, sort of makeup palette [01:11:25] or fake tan or you’ve got to do.

Rhona Eskander: Things that are aligned with you, I think. Was it your Payman that told [01:11:30] me about Matthew McConaughey story? Is it so Matthew McConaughey said as well that like one [01:11:35] time he got given a movie script and he was so done with like doing rom coms because he’d always been put in [01:11:40] this, like rom com box, you know, with like how to lose a guy in ten days and stuff. And he knew that he was an incredible [01:11:45] actor, but no one was giving him the chance. And the money was really good in rom coms. So someone like gave him a [01:11:50] script and they, like, offered him millions of pounds, millions of dollars. And he was like, no. And they [01:11:55] like, doubled it. And they were like, now will you do it? And he was like, no. And then he was just like, the thing is, [01:12:00] is that they couldn’t buy me. And he turned it down because he knew, like, the more and more he tried, [01:12:05] he did these roles. And, you know, he was asked like, did you regret it? And he just said, like, look, I didn’t [01:12:10] regret it. And at the end of the day, then he ended up doing roles that were more aligned to what he wanted to do [01:12:15] with, and he got paid less. And but he eventually got built up. And the point is, is like a lot of people, and [01:12:20] especially people that come out of Love Island, I’ll see them promote some, like flipping £2 air freshener, [01:12:25] like, you know what I mean? Like collab deal. And I’m like, is this really aligned with who you are? And then people [01:12:30] start to question it. Like on now you’re like under scrutiny. People are like, but why are you actually promoting [01:12:35] this? Do you actually believe in it? And I think like you’ve been really good and like you said, you could have done all the stuff, [01:12:40] the fake tan and everything, but you knew wasn’t aligned with who you are.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. And I just don’t think I was equipped [01:12:45] to build a business at that age. I wasn’t. And I know I could have, you know, had everyone [01:12:50] do everything for me, but I, I when I do things, I like to do things myself. I [01:12:55] don’t want everyone to do everything around us. And so that just wasn’t the right thing. But in [01:13:00] terms of the car, air fresheners could never be me and I never did that. But I did make some mistakes where I think, well, [01:13:05] why did I do that? Why did I do that? But I also think everything in life is like [01:13:10] you. You just learn yourself 100%. You know, you learn like you have to make you make that mistake. [01:13:15] And then now, you know.

Payman Langroudi: Still so young.

Amber Rose Gill: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And even though.

Rhona Eskander: You think 26 is old now. No, [01:13:20] no, I, I’m joking.

Amber Rose Gill: I feel like when I was 21 I thought I was so old. Now [01:13:25] I’m 26, I feel so young. I’m like, God I’m so young. There’s plenty of time to [01:13:30] do, like whatever I want to do. And so yeah, yeah, there is.

Rhona Eskander: And I think the world is your oyster. [01:13:35] Well, I’m like so happy and so inspired having you on. But I think you really [01:13:40] such an incredible woman. And like I really appreciate you coming on and just to show you as well, like, no matter [01:13:45] how big or small your audience is, Amber always shows up, you know, and to like even [01:13:50] today, you know, I know a lot of people are going to be so excited and it’s like a smaller audience, but they’re going to absolutely [01:13:55] love listening to you. So thank you so much, and we look forward to the second book, signed copies.

[Transition]: Yeah, [01:14:00] you can have the.

Amber Rose Gill: First book signed.

Rhona Eskander: Copies. Love it. Okay, I’m the other.

Payman Langroudi: Compliment to both [01:14:05] of you. Beautiful smile as well.

[Transition]: Oh, thank you so much. Okay.

Rhona Eskander: Thank you. Bye.